alexisjane (
alexisjane) wrote2015-07-30 11:17 am
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[FIC] Gazes Into You - 10/27
<<<<< Chapter Nine / Masterpost
If Jensen was feeling put out that a stranger was taking over his bed and relegating him to the pullout couch in the room across the hall that he used as an office, he needn't have worried. He wasn't sleeping there for long.
Karen and Chris left after what seemed like an age of drilling in safety precautions and going over which meds to give and when. Jared had seemed grateful when Jensen suggested the three of them go over everything in the other room so Jared could get some rest. The look the kid gave him as they filed out wasn't lost on Chris. As he and Karen started to leave, he leaned in close to Jensen, and whispered, "Don't do anything stupid, Jen."
When Jensen finally closed the door on them, he leant against it with both hands, locking his elbows and letting his head fall in between. The quiet of the empty apartment was soothing but the underlying itch of his visitor soon got him moving again. Even out of sight, just the idea of him being there made the place seem smaller.
Jensen peaked through the gap of the open bedroom door, expecting to see Jared asleep. He was surprised to see him wide-awake and fiddling with the sling holding his cast. He tapped lightly on the door with his forefinger. Jared looked up and smiled sheepishly. "Hey. I'm really sorry about all this...," he said, gesturing to his prone form.
Jensen shook his head. "You really need to stop apologizing. It's not your fault."
Jared smiled. "You don't know that." His tone was joking but when Jensen didn't smile back he just nodded and said, "Well, thank you, anyway...for taking me in."
Jensen shrugged and looked around awkwardly. It was his room but somehow not his room at the same time. Just having the wheelchair in there made it feel so much smaller. Medical paraphernalia cluttered the surfaces of the bookcases and Jensen knew it was only going to get worse when Chris brought the things Jared had requested he be allowed from his apartment. Jensen was mentally making note of what he could move to give Jared some closet space when he realized how hungry he was.
"Do you want to eat?" He turned to look at Jared, feeling his cheeks heat up when he saw Jared was already watching him. Jared averted his gaze abruptly, and shrugged. Jensen wasn't sure what that meant so he added, "I did some grocery shopping before you got here...so there's...food."
Jared quirked an eyebrow. "As opposed to...?"
Jensen huffed out a laugh. "No food?" Jared's other eyebrow went up and Jensen shook his head. "Okay, well if you're not hungry –"
"I never said I wasn't hungry." Jared butted in.
"Right. Well, how about I call out for pizza...maybe watch a movie? And tomorrow you can tell me what your feeding requirements are?"
Jared nodded. "That all sounds...amazing but I'm not sure I can face you manhandling me in and out of the chair again today."
Jensen smiled. He turned to the wall opposite the bed, which was basically one long closet, and opened two of the doors. Inside was a TV with a bank of DVD's underneath. He turned back to Jared and held his hand out, feeling a little silly doing the whole gameshow hostess thing.
It was worth the humiliation when Jared grinned. Jensen felt his heart skip when the dimples appeared. "You know you really didn't have to go to all this trouble," Jared said, trying to keep from chuckling.
Jensen shrugged and opened his mouth to speak. He wanted to say "Only the best for you" or something equally silly to see if he could keep the smile on Jared's face but Chris's warning rang in his ears so he ended up asking a little too quickly, "Pepperoni or Hawaiian?"
~•~
They fell easily into a routine. Jared slept or read. His leg ached and the strapping on his fingers infuriated him. His arm, although the least injured bit of him, caused him the most bother. The skin itched under the cast and more than once Jensen had caught him trying to shove various items up inside to scratch himself.
The first time Jared had to pee in a bottle, he was mortified. Jensen couldn't help but laugh, and wandered into the small bathroom off the bedroom, regaling Jared with the story of how, as a beat cop, he had pulled a severed head from a storm drain with his bare hands. "Seriously, emptying your pee jug is not a problem. Pretty much anything that doesn't involve getting rotting flesh slime under my fingernails is fine with me."
The friend of Karen's, Rachel, that had agreed to serve as Jared's nurse turned out to be five foot nothing, full of energy, and kind of scared the hell out of Jensen and Jared. She came by once a day to make sure Jared’s wounds were healing okay, and to check that the metal frame on his leg was comfortable. Jared had been prescribed some physio to get him back in working order, so Rachel would guide him through his exercises, no matter how much he complained.
She also took care of all Jared's "intimate needs". Jensen had blushed so hard the first time Rachel had used the phrase, that Jared set himself off on a laughing fit that didn’t end until he accidentally bashed his metal frame with his cast. After that, Jared didn’t miss an opportunity to get a rise out of Jensen by using the phrase as often as possible.
Jensen would sit in the living room, listening to Jared and Rachel's laughter through the wall or Jared bitching about the exercises he hated, trying not to think too hard about what was going on in there, and where Rachel's hands might be. He'd make coffee for himself and Jared, green tea for Rachel, then wait until she popped her head out the door to say that they were done. Then they would sit and make small talk, discuss how Jared was mending and how Jensen could make it easier.
Jensen spent his time in the apartment reading, trying to keep Jared occupied, working out, and trying to figure out where the hell he was going to go from here. He hadn't loved the job with the security firm. In truth, he hadn't needed it. He only decided to take Brian up on his offer of work after Chris had told him he had to face the real world again. It made sense, as he wasn't sleeping much anyway, to take the night shift. But since walking out he hadn't missed it. It was a place that he turned up to, did the job, and came home again. And he had never expected any more than that.
He'd loved being a cop. It was all he ever wanted to do. When he was a little kid and people asked him what he was going to do when he grew up, he never once said astronaut or superhero. He wouldn't even have to think about it, he'd just keep his eyes down, concentrating on rolling his truck across the floor, or looking them dead in the eye, spooning ice-cream into his mouth, and say, "'Omicide D'tective" like the person asking was an idiot for not knowing. And the grown-ups would purse their lips and nod, like they should have known and were kind of sorry they asked.
After his accident – after the Captain had turned solemnly and walked away from his hospital bed, and Jensen had to face the reality that being a cop was no longer an option, that the only thing he ever wanted to do had been taken away from him – he grieved. He was angry. He bargained. He was desperate. He blamed everyone. It took a long time to accept but with that acceptance came the expectation that he would never feel that fulfilled and happy again.
Until now. Until Jared. Losing him, searching for him, trying to figure out the puzzle pieces – he felt whole. He had missed it.
So, when Jared was sleeping, Jensen would sit and look out of the windows onto the city, wondering how he was ever going to be able to go back to spending his nights staring at grainy CCTV monitors and wandering empty, musty hallways.
And that was their routine, for the first few days at least.
On the third day, Chris turned up sometime after lunch. Jensen was doing the dishes, while Jared yelled out inappropriate suggestions for naming family pets from the bedroom. They had been watching some stupid comedy, and when Jared had scoffed at the lame name of the family dog, Jensen had retorted, "Yeah? You think you can do better?" Except now Jared wouldn't stop. Jensen was chuckling and wiping the suds from his hands on a dishcloth when the doorbell sounded. Jared heard it too and cut himself off, mid expletive.
Chris bundled in carrying Jared's bulging satchel, a backpack, and a couple of bags. He dumped them in the hallway and the expression on his face was enough that Jensen almost didn't want to ask, "What's happened?"
Chris sighed and massaged his shoulder where he had been carrying the backpack. He looked tired and worried so Jensen clapped him on the shoulder and said, "Go in; See Jared. I'll bring coffee."
When Jensen joined them, Jared was already looking terrified just from the look on Chris's face. Chris waited until they were all sitting on the chairs Jensen had brought in before he began. "So I went to the apartment last night and grabbed the stuff you wanted..." Jared nodded his thanks but Chris continued, "But then I remembered this morning that I had forgotten the charger for the laptop...so I went back..." He shifted and sighed out, "When I got there the door was open...they'd ransacked the place. I'm sorry, Jared."
Jared's hand came up to cover his face for a moment before he steeled himself and asked, "When you say ransacked...?"
Chris looked down into his mug. "The place is basically ripped up. All the furniture is smashed, doors ripped off, the couch is slashed..."
Jared groaned, "Oh, not the couch! I hadn't finished paying for that."
Chris shook his head. "They were looking for something, something they wanted really badly."
Jared shrugged. "Well, they didn't find it." He paused but then realized Jensen and Chris were both staring at him. "Because there is nothing to find! I don't know what they want!"
Jensen put his hand down and put a calming hand on Jared's arm. Jared sat back and closed his eyes. Chris nodded solemnly and leant forward, looking at Jensen. "I think the real question should be, whatever it is they're looking for, why do they think Jared has it?"
That was when the nightmares started.
Chapter Ten
Karen and Chris left after what seemed like an age of drilling in safety precautions and going over which meds to give and when. Jared had seemed grateful when Jensen suggested the three of them go over everything in the other room so Jared could get some rest. The look the kid gave him as they filed out wasn't lost on Chris. As he and Karen started to leave, he leaned in close to Jensen, and whispered, "Don't do anything stupid, Jen."
When Jensen finally closed the door on them, he leant against it with both hands, locking his elbows and letting his head fall in between. The quiet of the empty apartment was soothing but the underlying itch of his visitor soon got him moving again. Even out of sight, just the idea of him being there made the place seem smaller.
Jensen peaked through the gap of the open bedroom door, expecting to see Jared asleep. He was surprised to see him wide-awake and fiddling with the sling holding his cast. He tapped lightly on the door with his forefinger. Jared looked up and smiled sheepishly. "Hey. I'm really sorry about all this...," he said, gesturing to his prone form.
Jensen shook his head. "You really need to stop apologizing. It's not your fault."
Jared smiled. "You don't know that." His tone was joking but when Jensen didn't smile back he just nodded and said, "Well, thank you, anyway...for taking me in."
Jensen shrugged and looked around awkwardly. It was his room but somehow not his room at the same time. Just having the wheelchair in there made it feel so much smaller. Medical paraphernalia cluttered the surfaces of the bookcases and Jensen knew it was only going to get worse when Chris brought the things Jared had requested he be allowed from his apartment. Jensen was mentally making note of what he could move to give Jared some closet space when he realized how hungry he was.
"Do you want to eat?" He turned to look at Jared, feeling his cheeks heat up when he saw Jared was already watching him. Jared averted his gaze abruptly, and shrugged. Jensen wasn't sure what that meant so he added, "I did some grocery shopping before you got here...so there's...food."
Jared quirked an eyebrow. "As opposed to...?"
Jensen huffed out a laugh. "No food?" Jared's other eyebrow went up and Jensen shook his head. "Okay, well if you're not hungry –"
"I never said I wasn't hungry." Jared butted in.
"Right. Well, how about I call out for pizza...maybe watch a movie? And tomorrow you can tell me what your feeding requirements are?"
Jared nodded. "That all sounds...amazing but I'm not sure I can face you manhandling me in and out of the chair again today."
Jensen smiled. He turned to the wall opposite the bed, which was basically one long closet, and opened two of the doors. Inside was a TV with a bank of DVD's underneath. He turned back to Jared and held his hand out, feeling a little silly doing the whole gameshow hostess thing.
It was worth the humiliation when Jared grinned. Jensen felt his heart skip when the dimples appeared. "You know you really didn't have to go to all this trouble," Jared said, trying to keep from chuckling.
Jensen shrugged and opened his mouth to speak. He wanted to say "Only the best for you" or something equally silly to see if he could keep the smile on Jared's face but Chris's warning rang in his ears so he ended up asking a little too quickly, "Pepperoni or Hawaiian?"
~•~
They fell easily into a routine. Jared slept or read. His leg ached and the strapping on his fingers infuriated him. His arm, although the least injured bit of him, caused him the most bother. The skin itched under the cast and more than once Jensen had caught him trying to shove various items up inside to scratch himself.
The first time Jared had to pee in a bottle, he was mortified. Jensen couldn't help but laugh, and wandered into the small bathroom off the bedroom, regaling Jared with the story of how, as a beat cop, he had pulled a severed head from a storm drain with his bare hands. "Seriously, emptying your pee jug is not a problem. Pretty much anything that doesn't involve getting rotting flesh slime under my fingernails is fine with me."
The friend of Karen's, Rachel, that had agreed to serve as Jared's nurse turned out to be five foot nothing, full of energy, and kind of scared the hell out of Jensen and Jared. She came by once a day to make sure Jared’s wounds were healing okay, and to check that the metal frame on his leg was comfortable. Jared had been prescribed some physio to get him back in working order, so Rachel would guide him through his exercises, no matter how much he complained.
She also took care of all Jared's "intimate needs". Jensen had blushed so hard the first time Rachel had used the phrase, that Jared set himself off on a laughing fit that didn’t end until he accidentally bashed his metal frame with his cast. After that, Jared didn’t miss an opportunity to get a rise out of Jensen by using the phrase as often as possible.
Jensen would sit in the living room, listening to Jared and Rachel's laughter through the wall or Jared bitching about the exercises he hated, trying not to think too hard about what was going on in there, and where Rachel's hands might be. He'd make coffee for himself and Jared, green tea for Rachel, then wait until she popped her head out the door to say that they were done. Then they would sit and make small talk, discuss how Jared was mending and how Jensen could make it easier.
Jensen spent his time in the apartment reading, trying to keep Jared occupied, working out, and trying to figure out where the hell he was going to go from here. He hadn't loved the job with the security firm. In truth, he hadn't needed it. He only decided to take Brian up on his offer of work after Chris had told him he had to face the real world again. It made sense, as he wasn't sleeping much anyway, to take the night shift. But since walking out he hadn't missed it. It was a place that he turned up to, did the job, and came home again. And he had never expected any more than that.
He'd loved being a cop. It was all he ever wanted to do. When he was a little kid and people asked him what he was going to do when he grew up, he never once said astronaut or superhero. He wouldn't even have to think about it, he'd just keep his eyes down, concentrating on rolling his truck across the floor, or looking them dead in the eye, spooning ice-cream into his mouth, and say, "'Omicide D'tective" like the person asking was an idiot for not knowing. And the grown-ups would purse their lips and nod, like they should have known and were kind of sorry they asked.
After his accident – after the Captain had turned solemnly and walked away from his hospital bed, and Jensen had to face the reality that being a cop was no longer an option, that the only thing he ever wanted to do had been taken away from him – he grieved. He was angry. He bargained. He was desperate. He blamed everyone. It took a long time to accept but with that acceptance came the expectation that he would never feel that fulfilled and happy again.
Until now. Until Jared. Losing him, searching for him, trying to figure out the puzzle pieces – he felt whole. He had missed it.
So, when Jared was sleeping, Jensen would sit and look out of the windows onto the city, wondering how he was ever going to be able to go back to spending his nights staring at grainy CCTV monitors and wandering empty, musty hallways.
And that was their routine, for the first few days at least.
On the third day, Chris turned up sometime after lunch. Jensen was doing the dishes, while Jared yelled out inappropriate suggestions for naming family pets from the bedroom. They had been watching some stupid comedy, and when Jared had scoffed at the lame name of the family dog, Jensen had retorted, "Yeah? You think you can do better?" Except now Jared wouldn't stop. Jensen was chuckling and wiping the suds from his hands on a dishcloth when the doorbell sounded. Jared heard it too and cut himself off, mid expletive.
Chris bundled in carrying Jared's bulging satchel, a backpack, and a couple of bags. He dumped them in the hallway and the expression on his face was enough that Jensen almost didn't want to ask, "What's happened?"
Chris sighed and massaged his shoulder where he had been carrying the backpack. He looked tired and worried so Jensen clapped him on the shoulder and said, "Go in; See Jared. I'll bring coffee."
When Jensen joined them, Jared was already looking terrified just from the look on Chris's face. Chris waited until they were all sitting on the chairs Jensen had brought in before he began. "So I went to the apartment last night and grabbed the stuff you wanted..." Jared nodded his thanks but Chris continued, "But then I remembered this morning that I had forgotten the charger for the laptop...so I went back..." He shifted and sighed out, "When I got there the door was open...they'd ransacked the place. I'm sorry, Jared."
Jared's hand came up to cover his face for a moment before he steeled himself and asked, "When you say ransacked...?"
Chris looked down into his mug. "The place is basically ripped up. All the furniture is smashed, doors ripped off, the couch is slashed..."
Jared groaned, "Oh, not the couch! I hadn't finished paying for that."
Chris shook his head. "They were looking for something, something they wanted really badly."
Jared shrugged. "Well, they didn't find it." He paused but then realized Jensen and Chris were both staring at him. "Because there is nothing to find! I don't know what they want!"
Jensen put his hand down and put a calming hand on Jared's arm. Jared sat back and closed his eyes. Chris nodded solemnly and leant forward, looking at Jensen. "I think the real question should be, whatever it is they're looking for, why do they think Jared has it?"
That was when the nightmares started.