alexisjane (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
alexisjane) wrote2016-12-25 10:26 pm
alexisjane) wrote2016-12-25 10:26 pm
[FIC] Home for Christmas
Title: Home for Christmas
Gifter:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
alexisjane
Giftee:meus_venator
Characters: J2
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 4.7k
Warnings: PTSD, mentions of injury and death, sexytimes
Home for Christmas
The semi pulled to a stop abruptly, jolting Jensen who was pretending to sleep in the passenger seat. It made things easier—not having to make conversation with the drivers who had kind hearts and bad judgment enough to be picking up hitchhikers at skeevy truck stops—conversation wasn't one of Jensen's strong suits. At least, not anymore. It might have been better if he could sleep for real but that ability ranked even lower than making conversation.
"You awake, son?" It almost made Jensen smile, given that the driver couldn't be that much older than him, even if the guy did have an impressively gray beard. He opened his eyes and stretched a little in reply. The driver nodded. "This is as far west as I go." He peered out of the steamed-up windshield into the night. "You sure you wanna get out here? I'll happily take you south." He sounded concerned but south was the last place Jensen wanted to go.
Jensen shook his head and zipped up the front of his jacket, then pulled his duffel from under the seat. "This is fine. Thank you, sir. I appreciate the lift."
"All right. Well, you take care." He didn't sound convinced.
Jensen had a moment of doubt, wondering what sort of fool would give up his comfy seat in a warm truck to take his chances in a small town in the middle of the night, but still, he pulled on his woolen hat and reached for the door handle. "Same to you, sir."
"Oh, and son?" Jensen turned, his guard up, anticipating the usual lurid offer or threat. But the man was smiling, his eyes crinkled and kind. "Merry Christmas."
Jensen didn't reply, just nodded as he opened the door and jumped down to the cold ground outside.
The cross wind cut through to Jensen's bones despite his thick layers of clothes, and where the sparse snow being driven along hit his exposed skin, it burned. There was just enough time for him to regret his decision before the truck, roared into life behind him, the hydraulic brakes hissing and wheezing, sounding more like a dragon than reindeer as it pulled away. Although when it did, Jensen could hardly believe his eyes at the sight revealed behind it.
He'd seen some lights refracted through the wet windows of the truck but he hadn't really thought about where the colorful array might be coming from. The answer appeared to be…everywhere.
Stretched out in front of him was the wide street of what could have been any small town in this part of the country—a few mom and pop stores, official looking buildings and a bar or two, running along a street lined with trees—except it looked like Santa Claus had come down and taken a dump over the whole place. Not one inch had been left undecorated. Sparkling lights covered everything, ornaments, and streamers and plastic fucking reindeer—the whole shebang. The place was lit up like a… well, y'know.
Jensen pulled his coat tight, and shrugged his duffel a little higher onto his shoulder, gazing in wonder at the excessive festive-ness of the sight. It was amazing, even in the biting cold and through the haze of snow. It was the kind of thing—the kind of place—that he had dreamed of when he was a little kid.
His parents never had much even when things were working out for them. Jensen had spent so many years skipping from one trailer park to the next, he never really had the chance to settle anywhere, so those places where people seemed to live out their whole lives in the same community struck his tiny understanding as somehow magical. Plus, Christmas was something that other folks indulged in, not him. Like his daddy used to tell him, he had clothes on his back and food in his belly, wanting anything more than that was plain greedy. So, he would look at the lights and hear the music and endure all the other kids in school talking about their presents and family dinners, and tell himself that one day he could have that too.
Jensen could have walked faster, the weather certainly wasn't conducive to lingering, but there was just so much to see. Most of the storefronts were darkened, but he could still see the window displays by the fairy-light-filled trees, and there was Christmas music coming from somewhere. Still, the gripe in his stomach from lack of food started to sound loud and clear when his eyes fell upon the light and movement coming from a diner across the street. He didn't bother looking both ways, just stepped out onto the snow covered road and made a bee-line for the place before it closed for the night.
The diner looked empty at first but then Jensen spotted someone moving behind the counter, and some old guy pulling on a huge coat at one of the tables. He wasn't sure if the heat of the place or just the absence of the icy wind was the biggest relief as he stepped through the door. The old guy looked at Jensen in surprise but then smiled politely.
Jensen took off his hat, the snowflakes adorning it turning watery in the heat. "This place open?"
The old guy wrapped a scarf around his neck and pulled on a fleece hat complete with ugly ear flaps. "For you, I think he'll stay open." There was a wry smile on his face as he passed by and headed out into the night.
Jensen looked around, deciding eventually to take the booth in the corner, facing the door with his back to the wall. He threw his duffel in the corner then unzipped his jacket, taking in the room as he slumped down onto the seat. The inside of the diner was decorated much like the rest of the town. Every inch was tinseled, to the point where Jensen wondered if there was a health and safety issue. Can you get glitter poisoning? He was so preoccupied that he almost didn't notice when someone appeared from behind the counter and wandered over. Almost. Missing the guy would have been one hell of a feat, not just because the man was huge, but he was so damn beautiful Jensen thought maybe he was laying in a ditch somewhere hallucinating this whole thing.
"Evening. What can I get y'all?" The accent was horribly familiar but the sunshine smile that came with it burned any bad feeling right up.
"Coffee. Black." Jensen looked away, horribly conscious that the wrong kind of look in the wrong kind of place usually ended in a trip to the ER, and dammit, he wanted to look.
The smile stayed strong. "No problem."
Jensen relaxed as the guy walked away but he only got enough time to slip his coat from his shoulders before a coffee cup was placed in front of him and topped to the brim with some blend that smelt delicious. He would have smiled had a plate of food not been shoved under his nose too.
Jensen frowned as he looked up. "I didn't order this." He didn't like the implication of being handed anything without asking first but his stomach was screaming at him to eat it anyway.
"Nope. The doc ordered it, but apparently, Julie Meacham's baby has decided to come a little early, so he won't be eating it. And if you were going to order anyway it'll save me cooking again. It's the best thing on the menu…" He paused a beat before reaching out for the plate. "But if you don't want it, I can easily throw it in the trash."
Jensen sighed and squared his shoulders. "I'm not a charity case. I have money."
The guy scoffed. "Whatever. You can buy the doc dinner another time if you want. Do you want it or not?"
Jensen frowned, then pulled the plate towards him with one finger.
The stunning smile returned and cutlery wrapped in a napkin appeared next to the plate. Jensen waited until the guy turned away before he started in on the food. He tried to eat slow but damn, it was good. The burger tasted great, with the thick crispy bacon hanging over the sides of the bun, dripping gobs of melted cheese onto the plate. He may have moaned a couple of times but the guy, who was now wiping tables and up-ending chairs to sit on the clean surfaces, paid him no attention.
Jensen watched him work as he ate. The guy was really tall. Jensen was no shorty but this guy had at least a few inches on him. There was a fleeting thought of whether the guy was in proportion all over but Jensen knew that only lead to disappointment and the aforementioned trip to the ER for someone before the night was through. Still, there was something about this guy that was pressing all of Jensen's buttons. The way his blue jeans hugged his hips, the stretch of the Henley across his chest and back as he moved, the way his dark hair flopped down over his face when he bent over, even the slight limp in his gait. Jensen was just thinking how he would love to see what that hair looked like from below when the guy glanced over.
Jensen must have flushed red as the guy smirked. Jensen looked away, horrified at being caught staring. He dropped the last mouthful of burger onto the plate, regretting that he was going to have to leave it. He lifted his hips and started digging around in his jeans pocket for one of the pouches of money he kept hidden about his person. He didn't like to be indebted to anyone. It was too much like commitment, tying you to one place, one person. But just as his fingers grazed the wallet, the guy slid into the chair opposite. He put a fresh mug on the table and filled it with coffee from the pot in his other hand, then topped up Jensen's mug too.
Jensen looked over at him, frowning at the gesture, but the guy was unperturbed. That bothered Jensen. People had quaked at that stare. One petty officer had peed himself. But this guy… this guy just tilted his head and raised his mug to his lips with a shrug. "What? Refills are complimentary."
Jensen pushed the wallet back into his pocket. It wasn't a come on, but it was something. He picked up the last of his burger and popped it in his mouth just as his companion said cheerfully, "I forgot to say earlier… Welcome to Christmas."
Jensen peered around the room and shrugged. "There sure is a lot of it."
The man laughed and the sound was all honey and sunshine. "Well, yeah. But no, I meant…well, the town is called Christmas. You didn't see the sign coming in?"
Jensen shook his head. He paused before chancing, "But you're not from around here?" It felt strange, asking for personal information like that. It had been a while since he'd actively sought out conversation of any kind.
All Jensen saw was that smile again. "The accent does kinda give it away. Austin. How about you?"
Jensen paused, frowning a little at the way things were playing out. "Dallas."
"You just passing through?"
The question was innocent enough. Jensen gave his standard answer. "Usually."
Surprisingly, that got a laugh and Jensen chanced a look at the smiling man and his straight white teeth and the vulnerable line of his throat.
"Oh yeah. Been there, brother." A hint of something thoughtful passed over the man's face before he asked softly like it was a secret between the two of them. "Army?"
Jensen had one of the delicious fries halfway to his mouth. It didn't make it. "Marine corps." The words croaked out. Jensen hadn't meant to say anything but they just slipped out.
The guy nodded, then pointed at his chest. "Engineers. Not quite as impressive I know but..." He frowned into his coffee, then assertively reached one hand over the table. It lingered in midair as he said, "Jared."
Jensen didn't even pause. "Jensen." Jared's grip was firm and warm, his hands soft and damp from wiping the tables. It was a good feeling that leeched into Jensen's skin and continued to spread over him even after they broke contact. Even after Jensen realized that he'd used his real name for the first time in a long time.
They sat in silence for a while. It was Jensen that broke the impasse. "So… is the place done up like this all year round? 'Cause I'm pretty sure all this tinsel would give me a migraine around April."
Jared chuckled. "No. Lasts from the beginning of November 'til the end of January. There's a big ski lodge a few miles from here which brings in a lot of business this time of year. The town council are shit hot about bringing in seasonal business from all over the county, given the name. We have a parade, and one of those German Christmas markets… you know the kind?"
Jensen nodded. "They have the big pretzels?"
Jared smiled. "Why, yes they do. Anyway. I quite like it. All the lights and stuff…" He looked down at his mug, seemingly a little embarrassed.
Jensen cleared his throat. "I saw some of the shop displays coming in," he gestured weakly, hoping to make Jared feel a little better. "It all looks…" He had no idea how to finish. It seemed ridiculous that he should be into all the sparkling lights and smiling Santa faces, but then Jared seemed to be too.
"You got somewhere to stay tonight?" Jared's voice was breathy, and a little sad.
Jensen had to swallow hard before answering. He intended to lie but ended up saying, "No. I figured there might be a motel or something—"
Jared shook his head. "I doubt anywhere will have a room tonight." He seemed to watch for Jensen's reaction before adding, "I have a couch. You can stay with me." Jensen opened his mouth to decline but Jared raised a hand to stop him. "Don't even think about refusing. Just let me finish up here and then we can both get some sleep, okay? It's nearly Christmas morning after all."
Jensen wanted to make a crack about it technically being Christmas morning every morning here but instead, he just nodded and took hold of his mug with both hands.
It didn't take Jared long to be done with his chores. He mopped and bustled, taking Jensen's plate away when he was done and disappeared into the kitchen. Jensen sat quietly and waited until Jared came back. When the main lights went off, Jensen stood up and pulled his coat on, anticipating a walk in the snow that was gaining ground outside, but when Jared leaned out of the door to the kitchen, he frowned, saying, "I'm just upstairs," before disappearing again. Jensen found Jared waiting in the hall and followed him through a door marked Employees Only and up the stairs beyond it.
The apartment was small. There was a comfy couch facing a small TV at an oblique angle, plenty of bookcases full of well-worn paperbacks, no kitchen as such but a small table and chairs stood next to a countertop holding a well-used coffee machine, and microwave. There was a battered old bamboo screen partially obscuring the king sized bed at the back of the room.
"Home, sweet home." Jared swung his arms wide with a flourish. "Make yourself comfortable. If you're still hungry I have some pie left, I think. The head is through there. You wanna take a shower? Might make you feel more comfortable."
Jensen nodded. He figured that Jared was just being nice but in the same way that he never refused a breath mint, he never said no to a shower. Might be an act of kindness but it might be a subtle way of telling him he stank too, so he never said no.
Jared smiled. "Cool. You can stow your pack there. I'll just…" He scuttled off, leaving Jensen to slump onto the couch and started undoing his duffel. His wash badge was in easy reach, but he knew clean clothes were going to be harder to come by. That problem was solved when Jared came back over with a stack of things in his arms.
"Okay. You got blankets…" He dropped them onto the couch next to Jensen with a fluffy thud. "Here's a clean towel, and a change of clothes. You're welcome to use the washer to get your own stuff cleaned up, although the dryer is on the fritz so I can't guarantee it'll be ready by morning."
Jensen gingerly took the towel, and what looked like sweatpants and a soft cotton t-shirt. He was starting to feel that irrational nervousness start to itch at the inside of his head. Maybe it was starting to show on the outside too, as Jared frowned down at him for a second, before pointing over his shoulder. "Let me show the controls for the shower. They can be a bit temperamental."
Jensen's worst fear manifested as they stepped into the bathroom. "You don't have a bathtub."
It wasn't really a question as it was fairly evident that there was no bathtub to be seen.
Jared shook his head. "No, just the walk-in shower. Sorry, man."
Jensen managed to keep his cool while Jared showed him how to avoid getting scalded or flash frozen. He even kept it together while he stood under the water, soaping every inch of him, twice, just to be sure. He even stayed calm while he shaved off the three-day old stubble and cut his nails. But when he headed back out to his spot on the couch, his heart was pounding in his chest and he was having trouble breathing.
Jensen thought he might be able to slip under the blankets and hold on until morning without Jared noticing but there was no such luck.
"You okay?" Jared was sitting on the edge of his bed, bare-chested, wearing only a pair of plaid pajama pants.
Jensen couldn't have answered if he tried. He stood clutching his wash bag to his chest like a frightened little girl unable to move, frozen like he had been in the desert, a pillar of salt being blown to pieces by the wind.
Jared nodded, and Jensen knew right away he understood. Jared pulled on the t-shirt he was holding and sighed as he got up. When he walked by Jensen on his way to the kitchenette, he simply muttered, "Yeah, I could do with a drink too."
Two glass clinked onto the table and a bottle of whiskey followed. The glasses weren't small but Jensen wanted to kiss Jared when he filled them both almost to the brim. "You gonna stand there all night, marine? Don't make me drink by myself."
When Jared smiled and lifted his glass to his lips, Jensen felt the light in it pierce his creeping panic and found he was able to move finally. He threw his wash bag down onto the couch, and walked in stilted, halting steps towards Jared. When he sat, Jared pushed the full glass towards him and held out his own. "To absent friends." When Jensen just stared at the glass in front of him Jared frowned and tilted his head. "No? Okay then. How about—? To new friends."
Jensen's hand shook, but he managed to lift the glass without spilling anything and clinked it against Jared's without smashing either of them. He drained half the whiskey, then took a deep breath and sighed it out. He didn't bother looking up when he asked, "You get injured in combat?"
"The limp?" Jared shook his head. "No. Drunk college kid in his daddy's Porsche. Me and a couple of buddies were headed out on a weekend furlough my first year in."
"That's tough."
Jensen meant it but Jared laughed bitterly. "Not as tough as having to bury the other two."
Jensen covered his face with his hands. He heard the scratch of a lid unscrewing and the splash of liquid before Jared asked, "What about you? How many did you have to bury?"
Jensen had to wet his lips before he could whisper, "All of them."
Jared didn't push. Hell, he didn't even exhale. Just sat motionless until Jensen managed to get his own breathing back under control and tried to ignore the echoes of gunfire in his head. Jensen wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "Drone strike. Somehow it hit the hummer in front and the one behind. But it was an ambush. We didn't stand a chance."
"You made it out."
Jensen grimaced. "Did I? Sometimes I wonder."
"Bad dreams?"
Jensen could feel tears starting to come, his eyes burning with the effort of keeping them at bay. He drained his glass, letting the warm fog start to take him over. "Day and night. I get afraid to sleep, y'know? I usually end up lashing out, fighting to take cover, screaming and scaring everyone—"
"The bathtub must seem like the safest place." Jared didn't sound worried or freaked out or even surprised. He looked calm, like they were talking about the weather or that Jensen had a cold. Jensen nodded. He was trying to think of a way to run, but for some reason, he felt reluctant. Even talking about all the bad shit he never wanted to even think about, it was still the safest he'd felt in a long time. He couldn't have been more surprised at what Jared said next. "You should sleep with me."
Jensen huffed out a hysterical laugh at the shock of it but felt a little bad when Jared blushed and stuttered. "I–I didn't mean sleep with me… although it really would be Christmas to get it on with someone that looks like you..." He frowned at the horrified look that Jensen was giving him. "Oh shut up. Like you didn't know I was gay."
"Why in the hell would I think that?" There was a tingle in Jensen's spine—of hope but a good amount of fear too.
Jared smirked. "I saw the way you were looking at me before." But then he shook his head and looked serious. "But you're missing the point. Bunk in with me tonight. That way if you start to freak out, I'll be right there. No funny business, I promise."
"I could hurt you." Jensen's heart hurt knowing that it was a real possibility. That more than anything he didn't want to hurt anyone again.
Jared pulled himself up to his full height and puffed out his chest. "I can handle myself. I take responsibility for that." He sank down again seeing the doubt blocking Jensen's response. "Let me do this for you. Let me help, brother."
It was hard for Jensen to say no to that. Hard for him to say anything much at all, so when Jared got up and started flicking off the lights, he just blindly followed, trailing along behind him until they reached the side of Jared's bed.
"You wanna pick a side?" Jared pointed at the bed like there could be some doubt about what he meant.
Jensen gestured loosely. "Next to the wall would be good."
Jared nodded. "You want the lamp on or off."
Jensen swallowed and rubbed his temple. "On. It might bring me out of it quicker."
Jared smiled. "Fine by me." He pulled back the sheet and nodded at it. "You best get in first, then."
Jensen grimaced but did as he was told. It was a squeeze having two large men next to each other but surprisingly, Jensen didn't feel uncomfortable. They both lay on their backs for a while staring at the ceiling, until for some reason, Jensen said, "I don't mind about the gay thing."
Jared snickered. "I figured."
"You figured?"
"I wasn't joking about the way you were looking at me in the diner. Figured you were hungry for something more than burgers." Jared was so matter-of-fact about the whole thing but there was something in his voice, something breathy and low, it set Jensen's heart pounding again but for a whole other set of reasons. Especially, when Jared added, "I had a marine once, all bow legs and green eyes, like you. Best night of my life. I even signed up because of him. I should get a fucking commendation for behaving myself right now."
Jensen cleared his throat but the words still came out broken. "You don't have to. Behave, I mean."
Jared huffed out a laugh. "Sorry, man. I don't do bro-sex."
Jensen turned his head to look at his bedmate. "Neither do I." Jared turned to face him, a curious look in his eyes. Jensen cleared his throat again. "I've never been with a woman."
Jared smiled and Jensen's dick came to life for the first time in months. "Really? Don't think I met a gold star before now. Although I'm assuming that doesn't mean you're a virgin?"
It was Jensen's turn to smirk then. It felt good. "Try me."
Jared did. Slow at first. Tentative kisses and careful fingers teasing under t-shirts and waistbands. Jensen had been more frightened but never between the sheets. It felt so intimate, like Jared knew him already, inside and out. Most of his sexual encounters had been fast and brutish, get-off-get-out affairs. But this was something else. He had a vague recollection of the one night with a guy when he hadn't wanted it to end. They'd fucked each other senseless in a motel after meeting in a bar. Jensen was shipping out the next day and the kid didn't seem inclined to wait around for when, or if, Jensen made it home, so that was that.
And Jensen was glad even though he still thought about that night sometimes. He'd come home broken, too broken to go home but not so broken to stay in the ground.
But as Jared's body pressed him into the mattress, he felt alive for the first time since he froze on a hilltop in some place he couldn't pronounce, looking at the blanket of blood and bodies laid out before him.
"Come back to me." Jared breathed the words into his ear, warm and vital. He was braced above Jensen, one hand on the pillow next to Jensen's head, the tendons taut and muscles bulging, while the other cupped Jensen's ass cheek, holding him closer even with Jensen's legs wrapped around Jared's waist. Jensen moved, straining up to find Jared's mouth, feeling the slick of sweat between them, as their cocks moved against each other.
"I'm okay. I'm here." Jensen groaned, long and low, and Jared ate it up, biting into his shoulder and licking a line up his throat.
"I want to do this to you forever," Jared whispered, his words jarring with the movement from his pistoning hips.
"Then do it." Jensen found himself saying, surprised that he meant it. He figured he'd regret it in the morning, have to find a way to politely back out. But in that moment, he'd never wanted anything more. He ran his hands up Jared's muscled back and cupped his jaw, dragging him down to a kiss that felt like life and death. In that moment, it didn't matter that Jensen couldn't sleep, or stay in one place longer than a week, or was broken beyond repair, moving in a haze from one place to the next. Jared made him feel whole, alive, like a man again.
Jared's thrusts came harder, faster, and Jensen keened with the sensation building between his legs, as Jared grunted and begged, "Stay with me, Jensen. Stay with me this time."
Jensen didn't answer. Not that night. Or the night after. Or the one after that. At least not in words. He answered in kisses and touches. With laughter and apologies. And loudest of all, he said it when he closed his eyes, night after night, and drifted off to sleep in Jared's arms, only to wake on Christmas morning with the best, and only, gift he ever wanted lying right next to him.
Gifter:
alexisjaneGiftee:
meus_venatorCharacters: J2
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 4.7k
Warnings: PTSD, mentions of injury and death, sexytimes
Summary: Jensen can't sleep, and he can't stop running. Then he finds himself in a town called Christmas one snowy winter's night...
Notes: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ Merry Christmas, Hun ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ and many thanks tomasja_17 for the super quick emergency beta ♥♥
On AO3
Notes: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ Merry Christmas, Hun ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ and many thanks to
masja_17 for the super quick emergency beta ♥♥On AO3
Home for Christmas
The semi pulled to a stop abruptly, jolting Jensen who was pretending to sleep in the passenger seat. It made things easier—not having to make conversation with the drivers who had kind hearts and bad judgment enough to be picking up hitchhikers at skeevy truck stops—conversation wasn't one of Jensen's strong suits. At least, not anymore. It might have been better if he could sleep for real but that ability ranked even lower than making conversation.
"You awake, son?" It almost made Jensen smile, given that the driver couldn't be that much older than him, even if the guy did have an impressively gray beard. He opened his eyes and stretched a little in reply. The driver nodded. "This is as far west as I go." He peered out of the steamed-up windshield into the night. "You sure you wanna get out here? I'll happily take you south." He sounded concerned but south was the last place Jensen wanted to go.
Jensen shook his head and zipped up the front of his jacket, then pulled his duffel from under the seat. "This is fine. Thank you, sir. I appreciate the lift."
"All right. Well, you take care." He didn't sound convinced.
Jensen had a moment of doubt, wondering what sort of fool would give up his comfy seat in a warm truck to take his chances in a small town in the middle of the night, but still, he pulled on his woolen hat and reached for the door handle. "Same to you, sir."
"Oh, and son?" Jensen turned, his guard up, anticipating the usual lurid offer or threat. But the man was smiling, his eyes crinkled and kind. "Merry Christmas."
Jensen didn't reply, just nodded as he opened the door and jumped down to the cold ground outside.
The cross wind cut through to Jensen's bones despite his thick layers of clothes, and where the sparse snow being driven along hit his exposed skin, it burned. There was just enough time for him to regret his decision before the truck, roared into life behind him, the hydraulic brakes hissing and wheezing, sounding more like a dragon than reindeer as it pulled away. Although when it did, Jensen could hardly believe his eyes at the sight revealed behind it.
He'd seen some lights refracted through the wet windows of the truck but he hadn't really thought about where the colorful array might be coming from. The answer appeared to be…everywhere.
Stretched out in front of him was the wide street of what could have been any small town in this part of the country—a few mom and pop stores, official looking buildings and a bar or two, running along a street lined with trees—except it looked like Santa Claus had come down and taken a dump over the whole place. Not one inch had been left undecorated. Sparkling lights covered everything, ornaments, and streamers and plastic fucking reindeer—the whole shebang. The place was lit up like a… well, y'know.
Jensen pulled his coat tight, and shrugged his duffel a little higher onto his shoulder, gazing in wonder at the excessive festive-ness of the sight. It was amazing, even in the biting cold and through the haze of snow. It was the kind of thing—the kind of place—that he had dreamed of when he was a little kid.
His parents never had much even when things were working out for them. Jensen had spent so many years skipping from one trailer park to the next, he never really had the chance to settle anywhere, so those places where people seemed to live out their whole lives in the same community struck his tiny understanding as somehow magical. Plus, Christmas was something that other folks indulged in, not him. Like his daddy used to tell him, he had clothes on his back and food in his belly, wanting anything more than that was plain greedy. So, he would look at the lights and hear the music and endure all the other kids in school talking about their presents and family dinners, and tell himself that one day he could have that too.
Jensen could have walked faster, the weather certainly wasn't conducive to lingering, but there was just so much to see. Most of the storefronts were darkened, but he could still see the window displays by the fairy-light-filled trees, and there was Christmas music coming from somewhere. Still, the gripe in his stomach from lack of food started to sound loud and clear when his eyes fell upon the light and movement coming from a diner across the street. He didn't bother looking both ways, just stepped out onto the snow covered road and made a bee-line for the place before it closed for the night.
The diner looked empty at first but then Jensen spotted someone moving behind the counter, and some old guy pulling on a huge coat at one of the tables. He wasn't sure if the heat of the place or just the absence of the icy wind was the biggest relief as he stepped through the door. The old guy looked at Jensen in surprise but then smiled politely.
Jensen took off his hat, the snowflakes adorning it turning watery in the heat. "This place open?"
The old guy wrapped a scarf around his neck and pulled on a fleece hat complete with ugly ear flaps. "For you, I think he'll stay open." There was a wry smile on his face as he passed by and headed out into the night.
Jensen looked around, deciding eventually to take the booth in the corner, facing the door with his back to the wall. He threw his duffel in the corner then unzipped his jacket, taking in the room as he slumped down onto the seat. The inside of the diner was decorated much like the rest of the town. Every inch was tinseled, to the point where Jensen wondered if there was a health and safety issue. Can you get glitter poisoning? He was so preoccupied that he almost didn't notice when someone appeared from behind the counter and wandered over. Almost. Missing the guy would have been one hell of a feat, not just because the man was huge, but he was so damn beautiful Jensen thought maybe he was laying in a ditch somewhere hallucinating this whole thing.
"Evening. What can I get y'all?" The accent was horribly familiar but the sunshine smile that came with it burned any bad feeling right up.
"Coffee. Black." Jensen looked away, horribly conscious that the wrong kind of look in the wrong kind of place usually ended in a trip to the ER, and dammit, he wanted to look.
The smile stayed strong. "No problem."
Jensen relaxed as the guy walked away but he only got enough time to slip his coat from his shoulders before a coffee cup was placed in front of him and topped to the brim with some blend that smelt delicious. He would have smiled had a plate of food not been shoved under his nose too.
Jensen frowned as he looked up. "I didn't order this." He didn't like the implication of being handed anything without asking first but his stomach was screaming at him to eat it anyway.
"Nope. The doc ordered it, but apparently, Julie Meacham's baby has decided to come a little early, so he won't be eating it. And if you were going to order anyway it'll save me cooking again. It's the best thing on the menu…" He paused a beat before reaching out for the plate. "But if you don't want it, I can easily throw it in the trash."
Jensen sighed and squared his shoulders. "I'm not a charity case. I have money."
The guy scoffed. "Whatever. You can buy the doc dinner another time if you want. Do you want it or not?"
Jensen frowned, then pulled the plate towards him with one finger.
The stunning smile returned and cutlery wrapped in a napkin appeared next to the plate. Jensen waited until the guy turned away before he started in on the food. He tried to eat slow but damn, it was good. The burger tasted great, with the thick crispy bacon hanging over the sides of the bun, dripping gobs of melted cheese onto the plate. He may have moaned a couple of times but the guy, who was now wiping tables and up-ending chairs to sit on the clean surfaces, paid him no attention.
Jensen watched him work as he ate. The guy was really tall. Jensen was no shorty but this guy had at least a few inches on him. There was a fleeting thought of whether the guy was in proportion all over but Jensen knew that only lead to disappointment and the aforementioned trip to the ER for someone before the night was through. Still, there was something about this guy that was pressing all of Jensen's buttons. The way his blue jeans hugged his hips, the stretch of the Henley across his chest and back as he moved, the way his dark hair flopped down over his face when he bent over, even the slight limp in his gait. Jensen was just thinking how he would love to see what that hair looked like from below when the guy glanced over.
Jensen must have flushed red as the guy smirked. Jensen looked away, horrified at being caught staring. He dropped the last mouthful of burger onto the plate, regretting that he was going to have to leave it. He lifted his hips and started digging around in his jeans pocket for one of the pouches of money he kept hidden about his person. He didn't like to be indebted to anyone. It was too much like commitment, tying you to one place, one person. But just as his fingers grazed the wallet, the guy slid into the chair opposite. He put a fresh mug on the table and filled it with coffee from the pot in his other hand, then topped up Jensen's mug too.
Jensen looked over at him, frowning at the gesture, but the guy was unperturbed. That bothered Jensen. People had quaked at that stare. One petty officer had peed himself. But this guy… this guy just tilted his head and raised his mug to his lips with a shrug. "What? Refills are complimentary."
Jensen pushed the wallet back into his pocket. It wasn't a come on, but it was something. He picked up the last of his burger and popped it in his mouth just as his companion said cheerfully, "I forgot to say earlier… Welcome to Christmas."
Jensen peered around the room and shrugged. "There sure is a lot of it."
The man laughed and the sound was all honey and sunshine. "Well, yeah. But no, I meant…well, the town is called Christmas. You didn't see the sign coming in?"
Jensen shook his head. He paused before chancing, "But you're not from around here?" It felt strange, asking for personal information like that. It had been a while since he'd actively sought out conversation of any kind.
All Jensen saw was that smile again. "The accent does kinda give it away. Austin. How about you?"
Jensen paused, frowning a little at the way things were playing out. "Dallas."
"You just passing through?"
The question was innocent enough. Jensen gave his standard answer. "Usually."
Surprisingly, that got a laugh and Jensen chanced a look at the smiling man and his straight white teeth and the vulnerable line of his throat.
"Oh yeah. Been there, brother." A hint of something thoughtful passed over the man's face before he asked softly like it was a secret between the two of them. "Army?"
Jensen had one of the delicious fries halfway to his mouth. It didn't make it. "Marine corps." The words croaked out. Jensen hadn't meant to say anything but they just slipped out.
The guy nodded, then pointed at his chest. "Engineers. Not quite as impressive I know but..." He frowned into his coffee, then assertively reached one hand over the table. It lingered in midair as he said, "Jared."
Jensen didn't even pause. "Jensen." Jared's grip was firm and warm, his hands soft and damp from wiping the tables. It was a good feeling that leeched into Jensen's skin and continued to spread over him even after they broke contact. Even after Jensen realized that he'd used his real name for the first time in a long time.
They sat in silence for a while. It was Jensen that broke the impasse. "So… is the place done up like this all year round? 'Cause I'm pretty sure all this tinsel would give me a migraine around April."
Jared chuckled. "No. Lasts from the beginning of November 'til the end of January. There's a big ski lodge a few miles from here which brings in a lot of business this time of year. The town council are shit hot about bringing in seasonal business from all over the county, given the name. We have a parade, and one of those German Christmas markets… you know the kind?"
Jensen nodded. "They have the big pretzels?"
Jared smiled. "Why, yes they do. Anyway. I quite like it. All the lights and stuff…" He looked down at his mug, seemingly a little embarrassed.
Jensen cleared his throat. "I saw some of the shop displays coming in," he gestured weakly, hoping to make Jared feel a little better. "It all looks…" He had no idea how to finish. It seemed ridiculous that he should be into all the sparkling lights and smiling Santa faces, but then Jared seemed to be too.
"You got somewhere to stay tonight?" Jared's voice was breathy, and a little sad.
Jensen had to swallow hard before answering. He intended to lie but ended up saying, "No. I figured there might be a motel or something—"
Jared shook his head. "I doubt anywhere will have a room tonight." He seemed to watch for Jensen's reaction before adding, "I have a couch. You can stay with me." Jensen opened his mouth to decline but Jared raised a hand to stop him. "Don't even think about refusing. Just let me finish up here and then we can both get some sleep, okay? It's nearly Christmas morning after all."
Jensen wanted to make a crack about it technically being Christmas morning every morning here but instead, he just nodded and took hold of his mug with both hands.
It didn't take Jared long to be done with his chores. He mopped and bustled, taking Jensen's plate away when he was done and disappeared into the kitchen. Jensen sat quietly and waited until Jared came back. When the main lights went off, Jensen stood up and pulled his coat on, anticipating a walk in the snow that was gaining ground outside, but when Jared leaned out of the door to the kitchen, he frowned, saying, "I'm just upstairs," before disappearing again. Jensen found Jared waiting in the hall and followed him through a door marked Employees Only and up the stairs beyond it.
The apartment was small. There was a comfy couch facing a small TV at an oblique angle, plenty of bookcases full of well-worn paperbacks, no kitchen as such but a small table and chairs stood next to a countertop holding a well-used coffee machine, and microwave. There was a battered old bamboo screen partially obscuring the king sized bed at the back of the room.
"Home, sweet home." Jared swung his arms wide with a flourish. "Make yourself comfortable. If you're still hungry I have some pie left, I think. The head is through there. You wanna take a shower? Might make you feel more comfortable."
Jensen nodded. He figured that Jared was just being nice but in the same way that he never refused a breath mint, he never said no to a shower. Might be an act of kindness but it might be a subtle way of telling him he stank too, so he never said no.
Jared smiled. "Cool. You can stow your pack there. I'll just…" He scuttled off, leaving Jensen to slump onto the couch and started undoing his duffel. His wash badge was in easy reach, but he knew clean clothes were going to be harder to come by. That problem was solved when Jared came back over with a stack of things in his arms.
"Okay. You got blankets…" He dropped them onto the couch next to Jensen with a fluffy thud. "Here's a clean towel, and a change of clothes. You're welcome to use the washer to get your own stuff cleaned up, although the dryer is on the fritz so I can't guarantee it'll be ready by morning."
Jensen gingerly took the towel, and what looked like sweatpants and a soft cotton t-shirt. He was starting to feel that irrational nervousness start to itch at the inside of his head. Maybe it was starting to show on the outside too, as Jared frowned down at him for a second, before pointing over his shoulder. "Let me show the controls for the shower. They can be a bit temperamental."
Jensen's worst fear manifested as they stepped into the bathroom. "You don't have a bathtub."
It wasn't really a question as it was fairly evident that there was no bathtub to be seen.
Jared shook his head. "No, just the walk-in shower. Sorry, man."
Jensen managed to keep his cool while Jared showed him how to avoid getting scalded or flash frozen. He even kept it together while he stood under the water, soaping every inch of him, twice, just to be sure. He even stayed calm while he shaved off the three-day old stubble and cut his nails. But when he headed back out to his spot on the couch, his heart was pounding in his chest and he was having trouble breathing.
Jensen thought he might be able to slip under the blankets and hold on until morning without Jared noticing but there was no such luck.
"You okay?" Jared was sitting on the edge of his bed, bare-chested, wearing only a pair of plaid pajama pants.
Jensen couldn't have answered if he tried. He stood clutching his wash bag to his chest like a frightened little girl unable to move, frozen like he had been in the desert, a pillar of salt being blown to pieces by the wind.
Jared nodded, and Jensen knew right away he understood. Jared pulled on the t-shirt he was holding and sighed as he got up. When he walked by Jensen on his way to the kitchenette, he simply muttered, "Yeah, I could do with a drink too."
Two glass clinked onto the table and a bottle of whiskey followed. The glasses weren't small but Jensen wanted to kiss Jared when he filled them both almost to the brim. "You gonna stand there all night, marine? Don't make me drink by myself."
When Jared smiled and lifted his glass to his lips, Jensen felt the light in it pierce his creeping panic and found he was able to move finally. He threw his wash bag down onto the couch, and walked in stilted, halting steps towards Jared. When he sat, Jared pushed the full glass towards him and held out his own. "To absent friends." When Jensen just stared at the glass in front of him Jared frowned and tilted his head. "No? Okay then. How about—? To new friends."
Jensen's hand shook, but he managed to lift the glass without spilling anything and clinked it against Jared's without smashing either of them. He drained half the whiskey, then took a deep breath and sighed it out. He didn't bother looking up when he asked, "You get injured in combat?"
"The limp?" Jared shook his head. "No. Drunk college kid in his daddy's Porsche. Me and a couple of buddies were headed out on a weekend furlough my first year in."
"That's tough."
Jensen meant it but Jared laughed bitterly. "Not as tough as having to bury the other two."
Jensen covered his face with his hands. He heard the scratch of a lid unscrewing and the splash of liquid before Jared asked, "What about you? How many did you have to bury?"
Jensen had to wet his lips before he could whisper, "All of them."
Jared didn't push. Hell, he didn't even exhale. Just sat motionless until Jensen managed to get his own breathing back under control and tried to ignore the echoes of gunfire in his head. Jensen wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "Drone strike. Somehow it hit the hummer in front and the one behind. But it was an ambush. We didn't stand a chance."
"You made it out."
Jensen grimaced. "Did I? Sometimes I wonder."
"Bad dreams?"
Jensen could feel tears starting to come, his eyes burning with the effort of keeping them at bay. He drained his glass, letting the warm fog start to take him over. "Day and night. I get afraid to sleep, y'know? I usually end up lashing out, fighting to take cover, screaming and scaring everyone—"
"The bathtub must seem like the safest place." Jared didn't sound worried or freaked out or even surprised. He looked calm, like they were talking about the weather or that Jensen had a cold. Jensen nodded. He was trying to think of a way to run, but for some reason, he felt reluctant. Even talking about all the bad shit he never wanted to even think about, it was still the safest he'd felt in a long time. He couldn't have been more surprised at what Jared said next. "You should sleep with me."
Jensen huffed out a hysterical laugh at the shock of it but felt a little bad when Jared blushed and stuttered. "I–I didn't mean sleep with me… although it really would be Christmas to get it on with someone that looks like you..." He frowned at the horrified look that Jensen was giving him. "Oh shut up. Like you didn't know I was gay."
"Why in the hell would I think that?" There was a tingle in Jensen's spine—of hope but a good amount of fear too.
Jared smirked. "I saw the way you were looking at me before." But then he shook his head and looked serious. "But you're missing the point. Bunk in with me tonight. That way if you start to freak out, I'll be right there. No funny business, I promise."
"I could hurt you." Jensen's heart hurt knowing that it was a real possibility. That more than anything he didn't want to hurt anyone again.
Jared pulled himself up to his full height and puffed out his chest. "I can handle myself. I take responsibility for that." He sank down again seeing the doubt blocking Jensen's response. "Let me do this for you. Let me help, brother."
It was hard for Jensen to say no to that. Hard for him to say anything much at all, so when Jared got up and started flicking off the lights, he just blindly followed, trailing along behind him until they reached the side of Jared's bed.
"You wanna pick a side?" Jared pointed at the bed like there could be some doubt about what he meant.
Jensen gestured loosely. "Next to the wall would be good."
Jared nodded. "You want the lamp on or off."
Jensen swallowed and rubbed his temple. "On. It might bring me out of it quicker."
Jared smiled. "Fine by me." He pulled back the sheet and nodded at it. "You best get in first, then."
Jensen grimaced but did as he was told. It was a squeeze having two large men next to each other but surprisingly, Jensen didn't feel uncomfortable. They both lay on their backs for a while staring at the ceiling, until for some reason, Jensen said, "I don't mind about the gay thing."
Jared snickered. "I figured."
"You figured?"
"I wasn't joking about the way you were looking at me in the diner. Figured you were hungry for something more than burgers." Jared was so matter-of-fact about the whole thing but there was something in his voice, something breathy and low, it set Jensen's heart pounding again but for a whole other set of reasons. Especially, when Jared added, "I had a marine once, all bow legs and green eyes, like you. Best night of my life. I even signed up because of him. I should get a fucking commendation for behaving myself right now."
Jensen cleared his throat but the words still came out broken. "You don't have to. Behave, I mean."
Jared huffed out a laugh. "Sorry, man. I don't do bro-sex."
Jensen turned his head to look at his bedmate. "Neither do I." Jared turned to face him, a curious look in his eyes. Jensen cleared his throat again. "I've never been with a woman."
Jared smiled and Jensen's dick came to life for the first time in months. "Really? Don't think I met a gold star before now. Although I'm assuming that doesn't mean you're a virgin?"
It was Jensen's turn to smirk then. It felt good. "Try me."
Jared did. Slow at first. Tentative kisses and careful fingers teasing under t-shirts and waistbands. Jensen had been more frightened but never between the sheets. It felt so intimate, like Jared knew him already, inside and out. Most of his sexual encounters had been fast and brutish, get-off-get-out affairs. But this was something else. He had a vague recollection of the one night with a guy when he hadn't wanted it to end. They'd fucked each other senseless in a motel after meeting in a bar. Jensen was shipping out the next day and the kid didn't seem inclined to wait around for when, or if, Jensen made it home, so that was that.
And Jensen was glad even though he still thought about that night sometimes. He'd come home broken, too broken to go home but not so broken to stay in the ground.
But as Jared's body pressed him into the mattress, he felt alive for the first time since he froze on a hilltop in some place he couldn't pronounce, looking at the blanket of blood and bodies laid out before him.
"Come back to me." Jared breathed the words into his ear, warm and vital. He was braced above Jensen, one hand on the pillow next to Jensen's head, the tendons taut and muscles bulging, while the other cupped Jensen's ass cheek, holding him closer even with Jensen's legs wrapped around Jared's waist. Jensen moved, straining up to find Jared's mouth, feeling the slick of sweat between them, as their cocks moved against each other.
"I'm okay. I'm here." Jensen groaned, long and low, and Jared ate it up, biting into his shoulder and licking a line up his throat.
"I want to do this to you forever," Jared whispered, his words jarring with the movement from his pistoning hips.
"Then do it." Jensen found himself saying, surprised that he meant it. He figured he'd regret it in the morning, have to find a way to politely back out. But in that moment, he'd never wanted anything more. He ran his hands up Jared's muscled back and cupped his jaw, dragging him down to a kiss that felt like life and death. In that moment, it didn't matter that Jensen couldn't sleep, or stay in one place longer than a week, or was broken beyond repair, moving in a haze from one place to the next. Jared made him feel whole, alive, like a man again.
Jared's thrusts came harder, faster, and Jensen keened with the sensation building between his legs, as Jared grunted and begged, "Stay with me, Jensen. Stay with me this time."
Jensen didn't answer. Not that night. Or the night after. Or the one after that. At least not in words. He answered in kisses and touches. With laughter and apologies. And loudest of all, he said it when he closed his eyes, night after night, and drifted off to sleep in Jared's arms, only to wake on Christmas morning with the best, and only, gift he ever wanted lying right next to him.
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<3
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Thanks you sooooo much! More soon. ♥
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This was so wonderful, so beautifully spare. The glitter and sparkle of Christmas town falling away in the stark reality of these two men's lives. Just wonderfully gutting and your ending....sighs....
Jensen didn't answer. Not that night. Or the night after. Or the one after that. At least not in words. He answered in kisses and touches. With laughter and apologies. And loudest of all, he said it when he closed his eyes, night after night, and drifted off to sleep in Jared's arms, only to wake on Christmas morning with the best, and only, gift he ever wanted lying right next to him.
So perfect, and as much as Jensen was capable of offering and Jared eager to accept. This is a beautiful, beautiful little moment in time you captured. Love it hon. I feel so honored and grateful for this beautiful gift.
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Jensen had to wet his lips before he could whisper, "All of them."
Jesus!
The last bit gave me goosebumps though! Loved it!
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Thank you for sharing. Take care :)
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