Poetry of Motions
Sep. 4th, 2014 02:01 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
alexisjaneI did something unthinkable today...I went on my RL facebook page. I think FB is evil and unless it's being used for scavenger hunt reasons, I tend to avoid it.
Except...
I follow (am friends with?) Lament ofa Shopmonkey. This is a guy who worked for years in the famous WildCat piercing shop in Brighton. They sold everything from plain old earrings to gigantic buttplugs and other weird shit (not thinking about sounding, I'm not *shivers*). Basically he's been there, done that and has the photos too prove it.
Anyway, since before the shop shut, his statuses have been a source of constant joy. He's irreverant, filthy, crass, beautifully poetic, keenly observant and really quite meloncholically funny. If you have FB it's very much worth following (friending?) him just to get a snippet of his random thoughts and wonderful vocabulary in with the cat videos and buzzfeed quizzes. He probably not for everyone, but he makes me smile.
Just thought I'd mention it.
Hope all your Thursdays are being magnificent : ) xxx
Cribbed from Lament ofa Shopmonkey facebook page...
There's no finer way to start the day than with the blast of an ice cold shower, followed by a brisk and workman like rub down with a commodious and sympathetic towel. Finding a large spider in the gusset of one's freshly laundered undercrackers just as you're pulling them up over your calves can undo a lot of that good work. The shrill seven year old type eek and the ensuing nakey flapping, running and stomping around the limited confines of the bathroom has a corrosive effect on a fella's jaundiced, but necessary self image of rugged masculinity.
I remember the words of the rhyme. Those things climb spouts. Willy spiders. Unthinkable. Unacceptable. Not on my fucking watch pal.
I acheived a lifetime's ambition (quite telling in itself) and bought a fridge poetry set. Poetry for Gordon Gekko maybe. I didn't notice it was the millionaire's kit
Words provided include: Broker, platinium, Ferrari, diamonds, polo, Seychelles, champagne, yacht, entrepreneur, investment, Gulfstream, Rolls, Rollex, cash, credit, cruise, sell, power, Porsche, paradise, designer, Tiffany, success, money and most disturbingly of all....golf.
Trying to extract one drop of beauty or romance from this toxic lot seeems nigh on imposssible. I gave up this morning with
"The enormous platinum lobster smells fear in wimps and eats the broker."
Crushed. What a pile of shit.
Radox bath salts,
The immutable essence of the seventies.
Vetern of a thousand thousand tombolas.
Unwanted by most,
Unknown by many
And cherished by the few.
Muscle soak,
Power words of promise,
Yet delivers the goods like few products could.
Refreshed and revived,
Now glad I'm alive,
Even if I do smell like my granny.
A woman at work was telling me how proud she was of her stepson yesterday. "He used to be a really retrobate, but he's turned his life around now,"
Retrobate is now my favorite word, it's stuffed full of possibilities.
Retrobate- a time locked wally who navigates the world clad only in vintage clothing.
Retrobate- onanistic pleasure derived from the rememberance of past trysts.
Retrobate- one who behaves badly in the company of old friends.
Retrobate- to scold or chide a person for past misdemeanours.
Retrobate. You heard it here first.
Any video with a " this will melt your heart/ make you cry" type strap line is inevitably a heap of smaltzy, sweaty balls. Onions make me cry . Some of the last series of Little House on the Prairie make me cry. Don't be telling me how I'll feel. "This will blow your mind!" People voting for Boris Johnson blows my mind. Ladies epilating their genitals blows my mind. Don't be telling me how I process the world. "This will amaze you!" I'll be the judge of that thank you very much.
Anyway here's short film of a blind unicycling Russian with no legs setting fire to himself as he travels through the slums of Calcutta handing out free kittens whilst reuniting street orphans with their dead parents corpses that will make you just...
The greasy bint sat in front of me on the bus has just doused herself with a pint or so of economy perfume. My whole world now tastes like a dockside hooker's over stuffed laundry basket. The stinky, minky oiled sow.
Except...
I follow (am friends with?) Lament ofa Shopmonkey. This is a guy who worked for years in the famous WildCat piercing shop in Brighton. They sold everything from plain old earrings to gigantic buttplugs and other weird shit (not thinking about sounding, I'm not *shivers*). Basically he's been there, done that and has the photos too prove it.
Anyway, since before the shop shut, his statuses have been a source of constant joy. He's irreverant, filthy, crass, beautifully poetic, keenly observant and really quite meloncholically funny. If you have FB it's very much worth following (friending?) him just to get a snippet of his random thoughts and wonderful vocabulary in with the cat videos and buzzfeed quizzes. He probably not for everyone, but he makes me smile.
Just thought I'd mention it.
Hope all your Thursdays are being magnificent : ) xxx
Cribbed from Lament ofa Shopmonkey facebook page...
There's no finer way to start the day than with the blast of an ice cold shower, followed by a brisk and workman like rub down with a commodious and sympathetic towel. Finding a large spider in the gusset of one's freshly laundered undercrackers just as you're pulling them up over your calves can undo a lot of that good work. The shrill seven year old type eek and the ensuing nakey flapping, running and stomping around the limited confines of the bathroom has a corrosive effect on a fella's jaundiced, but necessary self image of rugged masculinity.
I remember the words of the rhyme. Those things climb spouts. Willy spiders. Unthinkable. Unacceptable. Not on my fucking watch pal.
I acheived a lifetime's ambition (quite telling in itself) and bought a fridge poetry set. Poetry for Gordon Gekko maybe. I didn't notice it was the millionaire's kit
Words provided include: Broker, platinium, Ferrari, diamonds, polo, Seychelles, champagne, yacht, entrepreneur, investment, Gulfstream, Rolls, Rollex, cash, credit, cruise, sell, power, Porsche, paradise, designer, Tiffany, success, money and most disturbingly of all....golf.
Trying to extract one drop of beauty or romance from this toxic lot seeems nigh on imposssible. I gave up this morning with
"The enormous platinum lobster smells fear in wimps and eats the broker."
Crushed. What a pile of shit.
Radox bath salts,
The immutable essence of the seventies.
Vetern of a thousand thousand tombolas.
Unwanted by most,
Unknown by many
And cherished by the few.
Muscle soak,
Power words of promise,
Yet delivers the goods like few products could.
Refreshed and revived,
Now glad I'm alive,
Even if I do smell like my granny.
A woman at work was telling me how proud she was of her stepson yesterday. "He used to be a really retrobate, but he's turned his life around now,"
Retrobate is now my favorite word, it's stuffed full of possibilities.
Retrobate- a time locked wally who navigates the world clad only in vintage clothing.
Retrobate- onanistic pleasure derived from the rememberance of past trysts.
Retrobate- one who behaves badly in the company of old friends.
Retrobate- to scold or chide a person for past misdemeanours.
Retrobate. You heard it here first.
Any video with a " this will melt your heart/ make you cry" type strap line is inevitably a heap of smaltzy, sweaty balls. Onions make me cry . Some of the last series of Little House on the Prairie make me cry. Don't be telling me how I'll feel. "This will blow your mind!" People voting for Boris Johnson blows my mind. Ladies epilating their genitals blows my mind. Don't be telling me how I process the world. "This will amaze you!" I'll be the judge of that thank you very much.
Anyway here's short film of a blind unicycling Russian with no legs setting fire to himself as he travels through the slums of Calcutta handing out free kittens whilst reuniting street orphans with their dead parents corpses that will make you just...
The greasy bint sat in front of me on the bus has just doused herself with a pint or so of economy perfume. My whole world now tastes like a dockside hooker's over stuffed laundry basket. The stinky, minky oiled sow.
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no subject
Date: 2014-09-04 03:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-09-04 08:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-09-04 03:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-09-04 08:53 pm (UTC)Retrobate- onanistic pleasure derived from the rememberance of past trysts. I thought that was damn clever...and beautifully put, too : )
He is rather good at this stuff I thought. Glad you enjoyed : ) xx
no subject
Date: 2014-09-04 05:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-09-04 08:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-09-04 10:48 pm (UTC)I am NOT laughing at you bb but the spider....I'd have been burning the underwear after finally removing it from my body by wrenching and ripping, lol.
You basically had one of those days huh! *hugs and loves and cookies and Jensen's boxers (with him still in them)*
Oh and I swear I have a spare set of poetry magnets, so I'll hunt them out :)
(Guess who's FINALLY been dispatched from their second depo and warehouse"?")
no subject
Date: 2014-09-04 10:57 pm (UTC)They're the guy I was talking about...which is even funnier if you know what he looks like. He's not a small guy and the thought of him bouncing around the bathroom squealing like a seven year old is just too funny!! I think someone should J2 that though it would be wonderful!
O_o
*claps hands like a crazy person* ♥ xxx
no subject
Date: 2014-09-04 11:16 pm (UTC)And yes, they SO need to J2 it :)
:D Soon as he arrives I shall be repackaging and sending him on *hearts*
Edit: LOL! I know what it did, it started the post from the underlined bit, so I thought it was you! *headdesk* I did wonder about the drainpipe comment and I know you don't work in an office *HEADDESK*
no subject
Date: 2014-09-04 11:26 pm (UTC)Yeah, I put the underline in just now as I realised it made no sense at all without the cut visible...
God, I'm fucking hanging so I can't imagine how tired you are...go to bed!! I've got my inbox down to 891!!! So a couple more and I'm off...although I think I'm going to sleep on the sofa with Lily again tonight. It's such a bad habit but oh it's so lovely to snuggle : )
You're such a sweetheart for getting me a Phil...I can't wait til he gets here : ) ♥ xxx
no subject
Date: 2014-09-04 11:28 pm (UTC)Sleep well sweety *hearts* give Lils a hug from me :)
Xx
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Date: 2014-09-04 11:02 pm (UTC)