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alexisjaneTitle - I Stumble Forward
Pairing - Jared/Jensen
Rating - NC-17
Word count - 61.5K
Summary - Jensen is trying to start a new life and not complicate it with a past he isn't ready to share with potential girlfriend, Genevieve. But when she introduces him to her troubled brother, Jared, things get complicated fast and the men end up with a secret of their own. But there's another secret, one which neither of them holds, one that will not just break their lives apart emotionally but could have bloody, fatal consequences. If Jensen can pick his way through the minefield of lies and half truths, he and Jared might finally have a chance at happiness – Sometimes you have to save someone else, before you can save yourself.
NOT HAPPENING - The big two, I guess are that all the sex in this fic IS consensual and there is no primary character death.
So, NO noncon, NO dubcon, NO bestiality, NO torture, NO toilet kinks, NO a/b/o, NO mpreg, NO underage...this could go on and on.
HAPPENING - inaccurate depictions/descriptions of addiction and recovery/mental health issues/medical intervention/the IT industry/Texas, self harm, blood, unsafe driving practices, M/M sex, mentions of past parental death, unhappy childhood, messed up family dynamics/relationships, little itty bit of homophobia.
By making myself available to you to double check if you will be squicked or not by this story, I reject any and all future complaints about inadequate warnings - read at your own risk - I don't think I can be any clearer about this.
Basically cookies for everybody ♥ If you spot any errors, they are mine. Please let me know in the comments.
A/N - When I was sixteen I read an article in Just Seventeen magazine and a plot bunny arrived the same day. Bless him. I didn't know what the hell to do with him so I kept him in my head and let him percolate. The idea of actually writing anything down seemed utterly ridiculous for a long time so I just stored the bunny and got on with things. I suffer with insomnia every now and again, and it became a habit that every few months, I wouldn't sleep so i would unwrap the bunny and we'd go over the last version of the movie in my head and then expand on it and change it etc etc...for twenty years.
When I realised that if I didn't write it down pretty soon, it would never happen, I did. And it was awful. I tried again and it didn't work. At all. I left it and left it and then one day I came to a magicalkingdom fandom, where two hot guys having sex with each other fixes everything. I scrapped all the words I had previously written, took a deep breath, and started over...and voila! It's been a long time coming but it's done. Hopefully the next BB won't take quite as long : ) x
Disclaimer - The events in this fic are entirely fictional and any resemblance to real events or people is completely coincidental. Actors names have been used purely for casting purposes, and the behaviour and personalities of the characters bears no relation to the actor in that role. It's pretend.
Pairing - Jared/Jensen
Rating - NC-17
Word count - 61.5K
Summary - Jensen is trying to start a new life and not complicate it with a past he isn't ready to share with potential girlfriend, Genevieve. But when she introduces him to her troubled brother, Jared, things get complicated fast and the men end up with a secret of their own. But there's another secret, one which neither of them holds, one that will not just break their lives apart emotionally but could have bloody, fatal consequences. If Jensen can pick his way through the minefield of lies and half truths, he and Jared might finally have a chance at happiness – Sometimes you have to save someone else, before you can save yourself.
Warnings - This is tricky. There are some warnings that are spoilers, like negating-the-whole-point-of-the-story type spoilers so have a look at what I'm prepared to say and if you're still concerned, please feel free to pm me about specific squicks. This is basically a drama set in a modern, everyday setting with regular people doing regular things...except they're not...because that would be utterly boring but you know what I mean.
NOT HAPPENING - The big two, I guess are that all the sex in this fic IS consensual and there is no primary character death.
So, NO noncon, NO dubcon, NO bestiality, NO torture, NO toilet kinks, NO a/b/o, NO mpreg, NO underage...this could go on and on.
HAPPENING - inaccurate depictions/descriptions of addiction and recovery/mental health issues/medical intervention/the IT industry/Texas, self harm, blood, unsafe driving practices, M/M sex, mentions of past parental death, unhappy childhood, messed up family dynamics/relationships, little itty bit of homophobia.
By making myself available to you to double check if you will be squicked or not by this story, I reject any and all future complaints about inadequate warnings - read at your own risk - I don't think I can be any clearer about this.
Masterpost - Chapters
One Two Three Four Five Six Seven Eight Nine Ten
Eleven Twelve Thirteen Fourteen Fifteen Sixteen Seventeen Eighteen Nineteen
Twenty Twenty-One Twenty-Two Twenty-Three Twenty -Four Twenty-Five Epilogue
AO3 for PDF/MOBI etc
Non-RPF Version
Playlist
One Two Three Four Five Six Seven Eight Nine Ten
Eleven Twelve Thirteen Fourteen Fifteen Sixteen Seventeen Eighteen Nineteen
Twenty Twenty-One Twenty-Two Twenty-Three Twenty -Four Twenty-Five Epilogue
AO3 for PDF/MOBI etc
Non-RPF Version
Playlist
This Ship Goes Down Deep by Black Lab
You Don't Have A Clue by Röyksopp
Blue by A Perfect Circle
Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want by The Smiths
Left On Laura, Left On Lisa by The Avett Brothers
It's Good To Be In Love by Frou Frou
Mine Again by Black Lab
Let Me Go by Haim
Swept Away [Sentimental Version] by The Avett Brothers
Perpetuum Mobile by Penguin Cafe Orchestra
A Little Longing Goes Away by The Books
Black Flies by Ben Howard
My Song 5 by Haim
Gracious by Ben Howard
Umbra by Karnivool
Tap At My Window by Laura Marling
Ten Mile Stilts by The Wailin' Jennys
You Don't Have A Clue by Röyksopp
Blue by A Perfect Circle
Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want by The Smiths
Left On Laura, Left On Lisa by The Avett Brothers
It's Good To Be In Love by Frou Frou
Mine Again by Black Lab
Let Me Go by Haim
Swept Away [Sentimental Version] by The Avett Brothers
Perpetuum Mobile by Penguin Cafe Orchestra
A Little Longing Goes Away by The Books
Black Flies by Ben Howard
My Song 5 by Haim
Gracious by Ben Howard
Umbra by Karnivool
Tap At My Window by Laura Marling
Ten Mile Stilts by The Wailin' Jennys
Thanks and Credit - I had so much help with this it's not even funny.
My entire flist have been amazing, so supportive and encouraging. Thank you. You totally rock. As do the mods of this challange, I am in awe of your utter serenity in the face of all of our madness.
Huge thanks to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
mangacat201 for choosing my story and making a wonderful vid to go with it! I can't stop watching it and it still gives me goosebumps : )
masja_17 and kinkyheels were there at the very start and had to suffer some truly awful drafts to which I am very grateful. They were so kind about it, it made the whole process so much less scary.
skeletncloset, saltandburnboys and big_heart_june, Cheerleaders and muse-wranglers extraordinaire!. I love you so much you don't even know.
deansdirtybb, my eleventh-hour read-through angel. You know what you did. Thank you
somersault_j, who beta'd and waved her pompoms so hard, I thought her arms might fall off. More than once she picked me up and kept me going when I thought I couldn't do it. You are amazing.
ephermeralk, where do I start?...cheerleader, beta, mocker of phrasing (seriously, her beta notes read like a crack fic, I'm not sure you're supposed to laugh that hard at concrit) there aren't words. She worked so hard on this with me when she had so many other things to do. I feel so privileged that she is my friend and so grateful that she would devote all this time to this story.
Andkatstark. There wouldn't be a fic without her. She has slogged through this from before I wrote my very first word through every single version up to the last-minute rewrite I did about five minutes ago. I feel like she taught me how to be a writer. You've been amazing. I don't know how I can ever thank you.
Huge thanks to
mangacat201 for choosing my story and making a wonderful vid to go with it! I can't stop watching it and it still gives me goosebumps : )masja_17 and kinkyheels were there at the very start and had to suffer some truly awful drafts to which I am very grateful. They were so kind about it, it made the whole process so much less scary.skeletncloset, saltandburnboys and big_heart_june, Cheerleaders and muse-wranglers extraordinaire!. I love you so much you don't even know.deansdirtybb, my eleventh-hour read-through angel. You know what you did. Thank yousomersault_j, who beta'd and waved her pompoms so hard, I thought her arms might fall off. More than once she picked me up and kept me going when I thought I couldn't do it. You are amazing.ephermeralk, where do I start?...cheerleader, beta, mocker of phrasing (seriously, her beta notes read like a crack fic, I'm not sure you're supposed to laugh that hard at concrit) there aren't words. She worked so hard on this with me when she had so many other things to do. I feel so privileged that she is my friend and so grateful that she would devote all this time to this story.And
katstark. There wouldn't be a fic without her. She has slogged through this from before I wrote my very first word through every single version up to the last-minute rewrite I did about five minutes ago. I feel like she taught me how to be a writer. You've been amazing. I don't know how I can ever thank you.Basically cookies for everybody ♥ If you spot any errors, they are mine. Please let me know in the comments.
A/N - When I was sixteen I read an article in Just Seventeen magazine and a plot bunny arrived the same day. Bless him. I didn't know what the hell to do with him so I kept him in my head and let him percolate. The idea of actually writing anything down seemed utterly ridiculous for a long time so I just stored the bunny and got on with things. I suffer with insomnia every now and again, and it became a habit that every few months, I wouldn't sleep so i would unwrap the bunny and we'd go over the last version of the movie in my head and then expand on it and change it etc etc...for twenty years.
When I realised that if I didn't write it down pretty soon, it would never happen, I did. And it was awful. I tried again and it didn't work. At all. I left it and left it and then one day I came to a magical
Disclaimer - The events in this fic are entirely fictional and any resemblance to real events or people is completely coincidental. Actors names have been used purely for casting purposes, and the behaviour and personalities of the characters bears no relation to the actor in that role. It's pretend.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2014-06-19 08:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-06-19 09:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-06-19 09:21 am (UTC)You are so very welcome, sweetheart. It was absolutely my pleasure to preview this amazing story and I can't wait to read it again and leave it the love it deserves.
no subject
Date: 2014-06-19 09:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-06-19 09:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-06-19 09:31 am (UTC)Thank you for everything, Hunny ♥ xx
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Date: 2014-06-19 09:48 am (UTC)Right off to read :)
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Date: 2014-06-19 04:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-06-20 07:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-06-20 08:37 am (UTC)Hun, I do it all the time so really, I'm just so pleased that you liked it : ) x
no subject
Date: 2014-06-20 08:39 am (UTC)Oh, pssttt, I sent you a mail with another 'special' something in for anniversary fun, was it okay?
no subject
Date: 2014-06-20 09:18 am (UTC)No, I didn't get it : ( Although the last few days have been a blur of stress and crazy so it's probably buried in my inbox somewhere. Do you have time to send it again? I know Liss is coming to you today. Is she staying with you long? I think she's coming to me on the 2nd. I'm kinda nervous about it : ) x
no subject
Date: 2014-06-20 09:20 am (UTC)Yep, just resending now :D
Edit: Damn lj keep sending early, she's staying Tonight, going to the stones tomorrow, then back here tomorrow night and away again Sunday :)
Xx
no subject
Date: 2014-06-19 09:58 am (UTC)However, I just wanted to come over and also comment on the story... I really had very very little idea what I was getting myself into, but your summary caught my eye very early in the read-through and when I got to read it, it really didn't feel like more than 60k. I loved all the unexpected twists (some of which I still totally called, others I did not) and I was really taken with the way you set up the character's relationships, the boys' as well as the support cast. You made me care for all the emotional turmoil they went through and believe that all of them had their reasons for reacting the way they did. I think you can really be proud of yourself, but please, don't take another 20ys, kay, come back for bigbang next year!
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Date: 2014-06-19 04:37 pm (UTC)Don't worry! I already have my outline for next year! I figure if I start now I might have it ready by then! : ) ♥ x
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Date: 2014-06-19 05:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-06-21 09:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-06-22 05:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-06-19 10:51 am (UTC)Will read again tomorrow when I'm off from work! :) I have to see what you did at the end!
Well done!
<3
no subject
Date: 2014-06-19 04:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-06-19 01:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-06-19 04:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-06-19 05:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-06-19 06:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-06-19 10:40 pm (UTC)Glad you got a kick out of my concrit, I try to tell people that my snarky dialog in fic--yeah that's just me--but at least you probably believe it now, lol
no subject
Date: 2014-06-19 11:27 pm (UTC)How was your journey?! Can you see a volcano?! Are you overrun with hummingbirds?! Hope your vacation is already amazing : ) ♥ x
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Date: 2014-06-20 03:35 am (UTC)hahah. (I do all of my formatting in word as I go, which saves time later), but aren't you glad you didn't try to do that earlier today. EEK.
We'll go see the volcano one of these nights. It's currently erupting at the crater, and it's best seen at night.
Got a lovely henna tattoo that I'm about to post pictures of :D
Haven't seen a hummingbird yet, but there are geckos everywhere!
no subject
Date: 2014-06-20 09:26 am (UTC)It wouldn't had been so bad but some of the chapters I c+p'd lost their paragraph formatting so I had to go back and do that. I'm actually really looking forward to getting some distance from it so I can actually read it objectively in a few months...well...mostly objectively : )
Yay for geckos!! I love a gecko. I like their clingy feet : )
I don't think I've ever had a henna tattoo. You know you could always get it done and then have the real thing done over it when you get home : ) x
no subject
Date: 2014-06-21 03:36 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-06-21 08:20 am (UTC)I'm getting super excited to read yours soon! : ) Thanks again, Hunny ♥ xx
no subject
Date: 2014-07-03 12:34 am (UTC)I'm glad I read this today I can get the remnants of the bad fic I just read out of my head. (I should have stopped reading after the first run-on sentence, but I soldiered on, thinking it would get better. The author had a beta, so I assumed it would be better.)
no subject
Date: 2014-08-21 12:26 am (UTC)Thank you sharing your writing talents,
Lv2walk
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Date: 2014-09-04 10:20 pm (UTC)I really hope you enjoy it. Do let me know how you get on. Concrit is very welcome. I worked on it for so long it's wonderful to get fresh perspectives : ) x
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Date: 2015-01-04 03:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-01-04 06:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-11-07 07:35 pm (UTC)I saved the AO3 link as a bookmark but now it says I have to log in in order to download the epub file. But I don't have an account there, so I wanted to know if you maybe uploaded a pdf somewhere else? If not, I'll just read it here.
Thanks in advance!
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Date: 2016-11-17 03:41 pm (UTC)I'm sorry about that but I'm having to lock everything down for personal reasons at the moment. I don't have a PDF but I could ask around to get you an AO3 invite if you like?
no subject
Date: 2016-12-11 03:04 pm (UTC)An invite would be great, thank you!
no subject
Date: 2017-02-25 11:40 am (UTC)