...but today is Tuesday too!

[alexisjane]

It finally happened.
After what feels like weeks of sitting here with a head of emptiness (no blonde jokes please) begging and pleading with my muse to stop mucking about while she cackled in the corner and horded the plot bunnies like toilet paper...I finally wrote something.

I'd like to take the credit for getting her to straighten up and fly right but I can't and won't.
It took skeletncloset to hold her down and in her best alexadean voice, exorcizamus te the shit out of her for which I am eternally and profoundly grateful.

And then I wrote something. And then it became clear that my muse hadn't been sick or mad or petulant...she was evolving into something else.

My muse has horns...and a long red tail, ending in a flint-sharp arrowhead that she flicks like a switchblade. And she's a hugger.

What was written is in a place so far beyond okay, I was nearly a little bit sick in my mouth. But then I realised that if this is what I write, this is what I write and you all don't have to read it if you don't want to.

So, words are coming, being beta'd as we speak.
So this is me, warning you, paraphrasing BW, that if it is wrong, then I've given up on wanting to be right and I just hope you all still respect me in the morning x

Comments

[homo-pink.livejournal.com]

just so i don't make a fool out of myself, i'll just go ahead and ask now, are you all 3 of those usernames?

(also, definitely write what you write. looking forward to reading!) ♥

[alexisjane.livejournal.com]

Oh i have enough trouble just being me...although this isn't the real me...except it kind of is...and the other me is not quite me...it's all very confusing.
The short answer is no.
Mind you I'd give most of my internal organs to write a fifth as well as alexadean or her evil twin for that matter (they are the same person...I'm guessing that's not a secret? : / Oh well)

I'm feeling liberated and fucking terrified by what I wrote. It's mostly scary as I plan out what I'm going to write roughly but once I get going all this holyhellfiredirtybadwrong just appears from nowhere! I think my head might explode.
It is good though that I've got past fretting about doing the right thing so I can get down to some actual doing!
And I guess it stops me from badgering you about sequels *bats lashes and smiles sweetly* Jensen in a white jumpsuit would just be scrumptious, don't you think? : ) x

[tifaching.livejournal.com]

Good for you. I came to that conclusion long ago and it's served me pretty well. Write what you like and what you must and it will all work out fine.

[alexisjane.livejournal.com]

Or I'll be in jail ; )

Thank you for the support, Sweetie x

[skeletncloset.livejournal.com]

I want your daddy!kink so bad I could cry.

I think secrets'verse is an excuse for Jared worship.

Jensen has to grab a hold of Jared’s neck, has to elongate his body and demand Jared to bridge over him, bend to Jensen’s will so Jensen can squeeze Jared’s cock between his ass cheeks, to feel its spongy-hard mushroom head graze against his hole, so needy, so hungry to be fed, to be filled up until Jensen can feel Jared’s dick fucking the back of his throat in reverse, until he’s sobbing and screaming around Jared’s dick because it’s the sort of dick you fall apart around.

[alexisjane.livejournal.com]

It's coming, Darlin', promise.

Do we really need an excuse to worship Jared?
Y'know, it's hellish hard to concentrate when you porn me like that *fans self* : ) x

[skeletncloset.livejournal.com]

I think once you've written the most terrible thing you can think of everything else is fucking cake. It becomes easier and easier until you really have no shame anymore. Your muse will love you for it because she's allowed free reign. Restricting her and dictating her is the worst thing you can do. You can do as I do and divorce yourself from her. There is me and there is my muse. She's wicked. I'm quite normal.

[alexisjane.livejournal.com]

I was having a conversation with my friend today and saying how equal proud and horrified I am at my story. And he was so sweet and said how other writers are nice but write horrible things and that it didn't make me horrible. But very quickly pointed out that he'd known me long enough to know how bad it would be and that there was no way he was going to read it! Which I thought was lovely : ) x

[skeletncloset.livejournal.com]

God, I WOULD DIE IF ANYONE I KNOW IN RL READ MY STUFF.

I would seriously DIE. Because . . . I'm surprised at the things I write, but it's okay because it's fantasy. You can fantasize about being raped without wanting it in real life. (NOT that I do, I'm too much of a control freak.)

Is this the gay friend that said it takes straight guys about 3 drinks to consider bisexuality?

[alexisjane.livejournal.com]

No this is my ex that I get along with. He is soooo squeamish and totally not into anything sexual, I could see him having panic attack over this stuff. Maybe I should get him to read some ; )
I have a friend who wants to read some but I've been putting her off, not because of the sex stuff but because she doesn't watch the show. I'm not convinced it would scan right for her. Saying pudding or vessel or Lawrence, just would mean nothing to her so I gonna wait until I have got my AU properly sorted I think. Also, might not throw her in at the daddy!kink end to begin with : )

And that was 3 drink to get them to let him fuck them! He's very persuasive. Also cute. I'd totally do him x

[skeletncloset.livejournal.com]

So it wasn't the other way around? so the guys were like . . . well . . . I wanna see what the prostate is all about?

[alexisjane.livejournal.com]

Maybe. I just know that he doesn't bottom. Oh I forgot...we have in fact fucked the same person, which was...weird...and the guy cried both times, which I found hilarious!
Did I mention I over share? : ) x

[skeletncloset.livejournal.com]

LOL. So you made him cry and he made him cry? Has your friend watched Supernatural with you? Does he get a gay vibe from either J?

[alexisjane.livejournal.com]

Yep. I think either we're both pretty scary or he was just a weeper. I think it was his first time with a guy..Haha, I think he said something like "so we did it and then he just started crying. But he stopped after a bit so I fucked him again!" Totally shameless!
No he doesn't watch the show but quite frankly he gets a gay vibe from broccoli so not the most reliable person to ask x

[skeletncloset.livejournal.com]

LOL. What?

How did you make him cry?

[alexisjane.livejournal.com]

I can't believe we're talking about this...it was a whole 'oh god don't tell my girlfriend' thing which was 'whoa what?!'
But then he couldn't have felt that bad about it as he totally dub-con'd me when I was dead drunk at a party about a month later. He was a fucking jerk x

[skeletncloset.livejournal.com]

Did he even enjoy it? I'd be pressing your friend for details. OMG. Was it his first time ever? With either of you. So was he a younger guy? You dirty girl, you.

[alexisjane.livejournal.com]

Oh I think he did. Definitely not his first time with me. About five years younger. And yes, I am filthy. It's why you love me : ) x

[skeletncloset.livejournal.com]

I had the opportunity to have a threesome with my gay best friend and a mutual "straight" friend of ours and I really, really wanted it so bad, but I was in a relationship at the time and I"m like, NOOOOOOO, I'll kill myself from guilt! So I thought to myself, I'll drink myself stupid till neither of them wants to take me home anymore. Yup, I spent the night puking in the bushes. Nothing happened. I didn't trust myself to say no and mean it.

[alexisjane.livejournal.com]

Dude, way to cock block yourself! I'm laughing so hard!

[skeletncloset.livejournal.com]

Is he afraid to bottom or he's tried it and he could care less for it?

[alexisjane.livejournal.com]

I had a slightly drunken conversation with him and the guy who does my tattoos and it seems like they both wanted to try to bottom more to open up their options, that they both had tried it but preferred topping. My tattooist actually posted a facebook status to say the 'the train has successfully entered the tunnel!' which was hilarious but his boyfriend was bitching that it was just the one time and not worth all the fuss. Strangely they're not together any more! x

[skeletncloset.livejournal.com]

LOL. Well, the gay for pay guys on seancody feel the same way for the first 15 minutes and then they find an angle that works and you can see them melt on screen. It's weird, then they start getting really loud or pushing their ass back. NO SHIT. So I think the guys that don't like it probably didn't get there. I mean, everyone on seancody is experienced . . . and I think they make sure the other "straight" guys have the best time so that they're inclined to bottom again.

[skeletncloset.livejournal.com]

Dude, I can't get over this revelation. That's so fucking hilarious.

[alexisjane.livejournal.com]

Hahah which one! x