December 15th - MeMe

[alexisjane]

15th Dec: septembers_coda - Describe the deepest love you've ever felt. Who was it for?

Holy crap...I don't even know if I can answer this...but as it's your birthday I'm gonna try : )

I don't really make positive memories so I'm sure I've felt it in rl but I don't really remember. Plus emotions involving real people are tricky for me so...

I think obviously my child. I feel that I was lucky to have such a strong and immediate bond with him as despite our biological expectation, it's not always the case.

For Lily, which sounds mad but really, she's never going to wake up one morning and tell me its not working out or that she doesn't love me anymore so it's not hard to love that sweet face when all it wants to do is make you happy...and feed it treats : )

People though...that's tricky. I am absolutely a oxytocin junkie so I fall hard and fast and absolutely. But knowing that, I've learnt never to trust those feelings as I've too often woken up and thought, "What in the hell am I doing? I don't even like this person?" when it wears off. Experiencing love while "under the influence" isn't really love to me.

Also the times when it hasn't or it's become the real thing, I've been so utterly humiliated and crushed, that I don't think I could ever believe anyone loves me back, and without that trust it's hard to let yourself fully engage in that sort of feeling.

I have and do experience deep enduring love though...in my dreams. It's the weirdest thing. It's only happened a handful of times in my life but every now and again I dream about being with someone and totally loving them, and 100% knowing that they feel the same way and it's AWESOME! It first happened when I was a child (James Dean...no idea I even knew who he was at that age but there you go) and the last time was a couple of years ago (Chachi from Happy Days...WTF brain?). And I'm not talking about sex dreams either. They are just about being with someone and experiencing love. They're very cool.

Apparently your brain can't tell the difference between something real and something you vividly imagine so I don't care if they're just dreams...I still feel like I've felt it : ) x

I have days left to fill! Only five but fill them you must! Calendar here ♥

Comments

[milly-gal.livejournal.com]

Okay, so it's a little out there, but hear me out...

Sex and the city, the four girls vowed to be each other's soul mates, simply because guys, good and bad, come and go.

I understand the 'falling hard whilst under the influence of the love drug' and it then wearing off, I have had my heart broken so many times before because I wanted to want love, or wanted to love love. Lucky for me this time round, once the euphoria wore off, the amazing feeling of safety and knowledge of love reciprocated kicked in, but it hasn't always happened and I've been *hurt*.

How about, just in case you needed to know it, we're your soul mates bb, when the real thing comes along, we'll all happily step aside and let him love you like you deserve, but until then, you can be stuck with us cos we most certainly love you :) xx

[wings128.livejournal.com]

What wonderful insight. To know yourself so well is a blessing, even if it doesn't feel that way at the time.

Oh to have those kinds of dreams :)

♥

[meesasometimes.livejournal.com]

The dreams are weird right? I have those dreams. You may be the first person who will understand my relationship with Ashton Kutcher. I have had reoccurring dreams about us being in love and in this relationship...also I have never had anykind of thing about him, so it's even weirder. But I completely get that. I wake up all warm and happy inside.

she's never going to wake up one morning and tell me its not working out...that made me laugh, I mean it's so true, it reminded me of this funny stand up bit that my son and I are always copying, it's John Caparulo, and he says this thing about why does everyone want smart dogs and talk about how smart their dog is, I mean I don't want my dog to be smarter than me, sitting around and judging my life choices and shit, like ...why are you watching the movie when you haven't read the book first.

It just cracks me up everytime, my dog needs to poop outside and let me love all over him, that's all he needs to do♥