Day Fourteen

[alexisjane]

Day 14
In your own space, write a love letter. Write it Fandom in general, to a particular fandom, to a trope, a relationship, a character, or to your flist. Share you love and squee as loud as you want to.

Dean Winchester.
My love for you, it's depth and breath, it's very existence beyond the realms of reason, reality or sanity is known wide and far.
My real life friends don't get it. My LJ friends understand but still insist that you bottom and talk about Sam's hair all the time (which is nice to be fair). And I know that my obsession is neither healthy nor right but I do. I do love you. Because of your perfect imperfections, your steadfast inability to die and your exemplary taste in music. All of which I have found sorely lacking in the men I have given my heart to in RL.
I didn't always think of you like this. Initially you were an arrogant, manchild that seemed superficial and dumb. But I gradually warmed to you.
The way you say Awesome and Dude almost as much as me. Your love of pie. Your secret reading. Your addiction to the Magic Fingers.
And the change may have continued to be gradual if it were not for the moment. The moment I fell in love with you. The moment you said "I don't know what to do". My heart broke open and fell out of my chest into your fictional hands.
Of all the moments on or off the screen that I have seen or read, that is the perfect one for me. The one that sums up who you were and who you would become. And quite frankly, it ruined my life. 'Cause how can anything really compete with that.
So this is my love letter, to that moment. It breaks my heart. You break my heart. But no matter how many times you do, I will still love you and that moment til I die. And there's nothing that can take that back.
Truly Yours
Alex x

Comments

[caranfindel.livejournal.com]

(Hugs you and hands you chocolate)

[alexisjane.livejournal.com]

*Hugs you back, trying not to get my crazy all over you ...or the chocolate* x

[skeletncloset.livejournal.com]

What about when he bonded with the little kid that went mute? Jensen . . . I wish SPN were taken more seriously. I mean, he is amazing. I don't think he acts, his emotions are real. He seriously blows me away.

That scene . . . His fear, his grief . . . the things he wouldn't show as a child bubbling up . . . Dean tears me up in side.

But he's so open with John, like it doesn't occur to him to lie or deny like he does with everyone else. Sam has been the only one to break him down, but even then it's a struggle.

Moments like these make me want to write.

BTW, are you ignoring me?

[alexisjane.livejournal.com]

Oh, I know. He is just so fantastic. How he does that thing with his face that just has so many layers of meaning...christ. But this was the first time I think I really saw it, that it really made an impact and I was just lost in the character from that point on.
It fucking kills me. If I ever met him I'm not sure whether I would thank him or slap him for this! Really. real live flesh and blood men are ruined for ever!

And no, not ignoring you Hun. Utterly crashed last night and trying my hardest to do some work today. Not succeeding but trying. Listened to your lovely podfic though. Just awesome! I'm so glad your voice held out til the end : ) x

[skeletncloset.livejournal.com]

I managed to clean it up some more and combined it into one mp3.

http://www.fileswap.com/dl/J0BNfiB62R/Sight_Lines.mp3.html

[skeletncloset.livejournal.com]

Isn't it an awesome story? TOPPY!teen!SAM KILLS ME.

[alexisjane.livejournal.com]

I was practically screaming "It's not sleep apnea, dumbass!!" and the hotness, Jesus, I don't know how you got through that! I was trying to listen to it and work at the same time and just couldn't. I kept totally zoning out! Although you totally giggled. It's so cute when you do that : ) x

[skeletncloset.livejournal.com]

It's hilarious!! I loved when Sam is freaking out about the bruises on Dean's arms. Or when Dean was crying because of all the orgasms. And when he came because Sam kissed him. I love when Sam was like "FUCK'N GIVE IT UP! YOU TEASE! I KNOW YOU WANT ME!" Dude . . . I love the slow build.

And Dean's like, we can't! We're brothers! And Sam grinds into him and then Dean's like, "but okay. If you say I'm not abusing you . . ."

Ahahahahahaha.

[alexisjane.livejournal.com]

OMG when they were first under the covers I was so sure John was going to burst right in and catch them, it was awful! I thought the dialogue was particularly strong in this. I might have to go read some of her stuff, although my reading to-do list is just so overloaded and what with betaing too..I only wrote 800 words today : (

I'm so tempted to sign up for the J2 bigbang but I'm not sure I'll make it to 20k by the deadline. I only have a vague story in mind and no idea if it would work. What do you think? Have you started yours? x

[skeletncloset.livejournal.com]

Her masterlist is really short and they're mostly Dean/Benny/Cas in Purgatory. Or something. Super hot though.

I like the thought of Dean being all sleepy and languid and trying to get Sam to come and he doesn't have much strength left. I suddenly thought of your freaky ex.

D :

[alexisjane.livejournal.com]

That...is hilarious!

And disturbing. I'm so tempted to send you a pic of him so you an get the visual but I really don't think he'd like that!! I'm laughing so hard right now! x

[skeletncloset.livejournal.com]

I just can't. I swear you need to do the big bang. You need to write a j2 AU. ARe you still working? I can leave you alone, because otherwise I'll keep going.

[alexisjane.livejournal.com]

No it's nearly bedtime...but keep going : ) x

[alexisjane.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure I can get it finished. And it sounds like people have already started x

[skeletncloset.livejournal.com]

You have to have 80 percent of it done by May . . . or so. You can always bow out. I'm still debating whether to do it as a BB or just start another 'verse.

Dinner table sex with JDM and unintentional voyeur Jared that gets huffy and pissed off and pretty horrified.

kitchen sex . . .

[alexisjane.livejournal.com]

Dammit, I think you just gave me an idea. Crap. I don't know. I'll sleep on it. I think if I do it, I have to really get my life organised so I have enough time to work on that as well as everything else. I'm so distracted right now. I have no energy. Fucking January x

[skeletncloset.livejournal.com]

Light box? They cost money though.

WHAT'S THE IDEA?????

[alexisjane.livejournal.com]

Nah, just need to stop procrastinating and do the work. And not eat crap and sleep and exercise. It'll be fine.

Jensen making horrible relationship choices and Jared being there the whole time and gradually winning him round...sounds horrible to me. I do have another old story that I really wanted to finish that I think could turn into a decent au. Maybe x

[skeletncloset.livejournal.com]

Okay, we can both do that. Make time to write, exercise and sleep. So is it your bedtime yet?

What's your WIP about?

[alexisjane.livejournal.com]

In 30 mins. Need tea first.

Oooo I don't want to spoil it for you : ) It would have to change quite alot to bring in the slash element...i shall have a think anad try and do an outline. I think I have til the 2 feb to sign up anyway.

Do you know what you're going to write? x

[skeletncloset.livejournal.com]

the JDM/Jensen cheating fic. Jensen's having Jared's baby . . . didn't we talk about it?

[alexisjane.livejournal.com]

OMG I forgot you were doing that as the BB : ) Have you written any yet? x

[skeletncloset.livejournal.com]

Only in my head. What if . . . well, I'm thinking the only way Jensen can be with Jared is if JDM grants him his freedom. Otherwise JDM can put Jared away for a long time for trying to take his mate. Jensen only has so much freedom because JDM is such a good guy, but he could take it away if it means he can keep Jensen from Jared.

And they're not slaves to their biology. I mean it only goes so far. 50 % of it is choice.

[alexisjane.livejournal.com]

What would make JDM give Jensen up though...OMG. He could promise to let him go if Jensen gives up the baby to him? x

[skeletncloset.livejournal.com]

Let's start pm-ing.

That didn't occur to me.

[skeletncloset.livejournal.com]

I can throw around ideas.

[alexisjane.livejournal.com]

I'll pm it to you x

[skeletncloset.livejournal.com]

I need to know what this freak looks like.

[alexisjane.livejournal.com]

I'm so tempted : ) x

[skeletncloset.livejournal.com]

YOU SHOULD. It could be H/C. Jensen is this cynical although (painfully insecure) guy who won't give anyone the time of day (too many bad relationships ALL IN A ROW). And all Jared wants is a date.

[alexisjane.livejournal.com]

Haha You just wanns live vicariously through all the bad sex I've had! x

[skeletncloset.livejournal.com]

I DO!!! I REALLY DO!!! PLEASE! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!

[alexisjane.livejournal.com]

Plot! There has to be plot!...and all I can think of are horrible cliches x

[skeletncloset.livejournal.com]

Dude, stiffness in the bones is like the MOST DIFFICULT EVER! I have to start over again. Too much laughter and snorts and pauses and me trying to control my face.

[alexisjane.livejournal.com]

Dude, no laughing! ; ) Esp. not in the alley scene (although that cracks me up)
Also no way I'm doing fade to black. It's 66k words! It'll take me six months to finish! Pick something shorter x

[skeletncloset.livejournal.com]

Dude, when Jared says anyone who wears a beanie in Texas in the middle of june deserves the finger like a birthright.

OMGOMGOMG. I'M CRACKIN UP NOW.

[alexisjane.livejournal.com]

It's so good. I love that whole sequence : ) x

[skeletncloset.livejournal.com]

Ballsville Spa . . . seriously.

[alexisjane.livejournal.com]

Genius x

[skeletncloset.livejournal.com]

I had to say it really slowly. Really, really slowly. I can't say it with a straight face. I love Sam's teenage tantrums/sulkiness. It's so hot. So different to Dean who is always so happy-go-lucky and easy going.

[somersault-j.livejournal.com]

AMEN!!! :) I have nothing else to say. Pretty much sums it up!! YOU'RE NOT ALONE IN THIS!!

[alexisjane.livejournal.com]

It's so nice not to be the only freaky one : ) *hugs you* x

[kalliel]

♥