Thoughts

[alexisjane]

I'm upset, and conflicted.



I've been spending the last couple of hours trying not to cry. This whole Dreamweaver thing has just been so wearing. Not so much because of finally getting confirmation on what it seems many of us had suspected and dismissed in the past, but because of the way it seems to be bringing everybody together in a great outpouring of love and support.

I just wish we could have had that a few months ago when DW started a hate post against someone who dared question the authenticity of his life. Then, a fair few number of people felt justified in jumping on his bandwagon and vilifying someone, without knowing all the facts or the intentions of that person. The anguish caused by that...it was bad, really really bad.

So while I'm happy that everyone is going to be a little more loving and hopefully a little more cautious in the future, I hope everyone is going to take a breath next time one of us histrionically announces they're being bullied or whatever. Communication on the internet is fraught with misunderstanding at the best of times, and people's intentions are never clear cut even away from the screen.

I was ready to delete my journal this morning, I'm so upset about this. The worst thing is that the person involved has such a huge capacity for love and forgiveness than in all this, they never once had a bad word to say about anyone. Including DW. In fact I wouldn't be surprised if they ask me to delete this : )

Having said that, I'm so happy and proud to know everyone on my f-list. I think people will always try to fool us, and they will probably succeed. But I would much rather have that than never know any of you : )

I do truly love your faces ♥ xxx

Comments

[emmatheslayer.livejournal.com]

Feel better hun I love your journal you truly brighten up my day and I am greatful for you. I hope this issue can bring our fandom closer in some way * hugs and love * I would greatly miss you if you left feel better lots of love

[alexisjane.livejournal.com]

I am feeling better, Hun. I think I just needed to vent : ) I'd miss you too ♥ xx

[supernutjapan.livejournal.com]

So many feels. *hugs*

[alexisjane.livejournal.com]

*squishes you tight* ♥ xxx

[stripytights.livejournal.com]

I'm really glad you didn't delete. There's so much that's amazing about this fandom, and the response to this revelation just proves that.

[alexisjane.livejournal.com]

I was just having a hissy fit : ) I think it's seriously good that everyone's bonding together over this ; ) ♥ xx

[stir-of-echoes.livejournal.com]

*clings to your ankles. I'm happy to see you here and posting, I think what you said above is perfect, and so very true, and yes, I would much rather be occasionally fooled than not know you, or so many others here who make fandom the wonderful place it can be.

♥

[alexisjane.livejournal.com]

*clings right back* It is fucking wonderful here, despite all the shenanigans. We're so lucky : ) ♥ xx

[stir-of-echoes.livejournal.com]

It is, so damn wonderful, and yes, I'd rather have this place, and the shenanigans that go on within it then not have it all! ♥

[theatregirl7299]

I'm new to the SPN fandom so I just caught the tail end of this in the last few days. However, I have been the recipient of an individual representing themselves as not what they truly are. It hurts and makes you less trusting. I'm sending you big hugs and love. Don't delete your journal - you have too much talent and we want you to share it.

[alexisjane.livejournal.com]

Ah, there's always a bit of drama going on somewhere : ) I think I was just super tired this morning. I'm sorry you've had to experience that. Very much appreciating the love and higs : ) *hugs you right back* ♥ xx

[meesasometimes.livejournal.com]

I keep thinking "oh man, did I stumble on something amazing when I fell into this fandom"...we are an amazing people, I wouldn't let anyone ever take that from us!!!! ♥♥

[alexisjane.livejournal.com]

*holds you tight* It is something special. I try to explain to people outsiide of fandom and they just don't get it! ♥ xxx

[casey28.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you're here, and still posting. And I agree with what you're saying... " I would much rather have that than never know any of you : )".

*hugs* ♥

[alexisjane.livejournal.com]

I'm just a ranting ranter that rants : ) Glad you're here too : ) *hugs you right back* ♥ xxx

[jj1564.livejournal.com]

I'm on of those who fell for DW's fantasies, although I did have my doubts after the incident when his authenticity was questioned, but he was so very convincing. I mean, who would ever make up the death of a child? I wish I'd heeded the warnings back then, and I'm sorry your friend got hurt over it all.

I think we can all learn from this, and that there are many more lovely, genuine people out there than the odd bad apple. I can't hate DW as I think he has some deep psychological problems, but I hate that he's caused so much anger, sadness and upset among my flisties.

I'm pleased you decided not to delete your journal, I for one would miss you, and your wonderful art and stories. I so agree with this...

"Having said that, I'm so happy and proud to know everyone on my f-list. I think people will always try to fool us, and they will probably succeed. But I would much rather have that than never know any of you : ) "

*hugs*

[alexisjane.livejournal.com]

Oh, Darling, we all did, they were very convincing, and doing something so bizarre, it was hard to believe they were anything but real. I think we've all been hurt over this thing, DW included I dare say.

I think i was just so tired this morning. I had a chat with Milly though and I think I am going to start keeping my stuff only here and on AO3, just to protect myself a bit. But yeah, not going anywhere...just being a bit histrionic myself : )

*hugs you tight* ♥ xx

[jj1564.livejournal.com]

Thanks my dear, I agree with you that DW is probably hurting too right now, he obviously needed to create this fantasy world for some unknown reason. I'm pleased your feeling better, I'm sure you and Milly put the world to rights and had a laugh too!

[big-heart-june.livejournal.com]

I never knew DW and i've been so fucking busy this whole business has completely passed me by :(( *hugs you super fucking tight* please don't ever delete, my darling Pink, i wouldn't be able to deal. promise you'll always get in touch with me if you ever feel the urge to do so. I love you, love you, love you ♥

[alexisjane.livejournal.com]

Oh my Pink...22 days to go and then I can tell you how much I adore you in person : ) I was just strung out and overemotional this morning. So many people have been hurt by this whole thing...it's such a mess. I just want eveeyone to be happy. And of course! You're not getting rid of me that easy : )
Love you to pieces ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ xxxxx

[big-heart-june.livejournal.com]

I can't even express how much I look forward to finally finally showing you too. you have no idea, darling. you can clue me in on this whole thing, too? *sigh*
SO MUCH LOVE ♥ so soo much ♥♥♥♥♥♥

[etoile-etiolee.livejournal.com]

Î remember when DW posted about that person, but I thought he didn't reveal whom that person was.

I remember also, telling him that he had my support, which was in no way directed as hate toward that person who tried to get some informations about him. Was the post so full of hate? I'm asking genuinly, because I can'T remember if the person's name was revealed.

It's one of those things, you know, someone on LJ post about feeling like crap because of reasons, and I reply by giving that person support,

I never knew he made a hate campain against that someone who asked question.

I believed DW until his husband started posting on his friend's Lj, but I'm like JJ, the thought that someone could fake the death of a child was beyond my comprehension.

Anyway, when that happened, I asked through personnal messaging DW who was questionning his posts, and he told me the name of that person. I asked personnally another friend about it, and she told me that person did not have any ill intent and was sincere in her intentions, and I never talked to DW about it again. I know I didn't post any hate toward that person, and I'm sorry she did received some. I guess I just wanted to say that sometimes, we only want to support a person that we consider a friend. As for the hate, there is of course no excuses.

[alexisjane.livejournal.com]

You are justthe sweetest thing ♥ The only person to have done anything wrong in this whole affair is DW. I promise. xxx

[locknkey.livejournal.com]

I don't know who the person was, but yes, getting the facts is always a good idea.

That said, please don't leave us. I've been there myself. myself and several friends who write underage were vilified by fandom a few years back. WE were raked over the coals on the anon meme and many hurtful things were said. Many of my best friends here deleted their journals and never came back. It was heart wrenching. I stayed because at the end of the day I love fandom, love the connections I've made here and didn't want to cut them out of my life.

*squeezes you tight*

[alexisjane.livejournal.com]

*squeezes you back*

The trouble is, I think, is that "facts" can be kinda hard to come by online. We just have to do our best, i guess.

I think I was just a bit overwhelmed by everyones hurt this morning. I'm so sorry that happened to you, Darling. I'm so happy you stayed :) ♥ xxx

[alycat.livejournal.com]

*hugs* It sucks when people get the better of us.

For me, there was always something "off" with him, but that might also be me having a tendency to be a cynical bitch about things.

I am so very happy you didn't delete your LJ. Never let he stupidity of one person stop you from being loved by so many else

[alexisjane.livejournal.com]

*squishes you* Everyone's so hurt...I just hate it.

Personally, I love cynical bitch you ; )
I was just having a moment. I'd miss you all too much to go far : ) ♥ xxx

[alycat.livejournal.com]

These moments do happen :)

But yeah, it really sucks when people that disturbed hurt others by their lies and even more so when they manage to get between other people, people that wouldn't do such things.

I long had my doubts, but I only talked about it privately between friends because, well, if you talked openly you would be a trash-talking bitch and I really didn't wanna fuel his "woe is me" posts where he talked about people being against him. Tbh I never figured out who were against him since I never so a post about him but whatever...

[alexisjane.livejournal.com]

I do think it was one of those no win situations, damned if you say something, damned if you don't. Still...hopefully this is over now...we can move onto the next drama : )

I know I'm naive, wanting everyone to just get along...but yeah, lets get back to the objectifying and be done with it! For now at least : ) xxx

[septembers-coda.livejournal.com]

Aw, bb. Please never delete. We love and need you.

This whole thing... I haven't commented anywhere, because I have no idea what to say. I didn't even know which of my friends were affected. BL knew what this was right away, almost as soon as DW showed up anywhere, and she clued me in... I was suspicious but never felt my suspicion would help anyone, if that makes sense. BL knew and believed someone who did a really similar Munchausen-by-Internet thing YEARS ago, so she recognized it. I didn't follow the whole thing, so the later details and the first time he (or she for all we know) was confronted, I missed. But now I think, even if I had tried to warn people, what good would it have done? Over time we all become a little more cynical, and that's too bad. But as you said, why hate someone, either for telling us truths/suspicions we don't want to hear, or for being mentally ill in a way we could ignore? I just never responded to any of his posts about the terrible things supposedly happening in his life, and figured what was going to happen was going to happen, as long as he wasn't asking people for money or anything (which he never did, right? I hope not).

Anyway, this was on my mind, so I was glad to see your post, but very sorry you've been so upset. Sending you love and support. Just be you and be here with us and spread the love you feel-- that's all any of us can do to combat the occasional craziness of this world. <3 <3

[alexisjane.livejournal.com]

I think that was the frustrating thing, that he always had an explanation that could have true...and quite frankly, when something is that bizarre you cant believe that anyone would make it up.

I think we were all taken in, and even if we had doubts, it somehow feels worse now that we didn't stand up and say something...idk, it's an impossible situation.

I don't think I would delete really, I was just overwhelmed this morning, but yes, love is the only antidote to this kind of fuckery, so more of that : ) Give some of mine to BL in the form of a hug, would you? Miss you guys ♥♥♥ xxx

[siennavie.livejournal.com]

An honest and eloquent description of what's on all our minds I think. *hugs*

[fufaraw]

I'm so glad you didn't delete. It's difficult to continue to trust, and a mark of a strong individual to be able to do so.

My first involvement with Munchausen's was devastating, to a large and devoted online group. It resonates to this day, and the resentments it caused have never entirely been resolved.

But turning to each other is a strength. Remaining able to reach out to each other, still in trust, even if it's bruised, can be solace and salvation.

I'm deeply sorry this person felt the need to masquerade and deceive. But I'm even more glad you're still here.

[alexisjane.livejournal.com]

: ) I was thinking more a hysterical overreaction but I can go with that :)

*hugs you tight* ♥ xxx

[milly-gal.livejournal.com]

You do realise how much I adore you, right? Thank you no, really, thank you!!! I really needed the last two and a half hours, more than I knew! ♥♥♥

As far as the vilification goes...it was uncalled for and undignified, and *they* dealt with it beautifully! I am SO proud of them!

Don't you DARE delete your journal, I have your address, I will stalk your fine ass ;) xx

[alexisjane.livejournal.com]

As soon as I hung up, Lily jumped off the couch! : / I definitely needed it too. More of that, i think : )

I think if it had been me that DW hurt I would be dealing with it much better...but because it was the two of you, I'm not feeling as charitable to him as I should.

I'm not going anywhere. I just think I got a bit overwhelmed today. No more of that though : ) ♥♥♥ xxx

[milly-gal.livejournal.com]

Agreed, next time, it's on my phone bill! lol! ♥

I think we're all the same in that respect, easier to deal with our own pain than it is to see someone we care about getting hurt *hugs* thank you honey.

It'll be okay, it's just been a longggg 24 hours! xxxx

[dizzojay.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry you've been feeling this way; but I'm glad you decided not to delete your journal - we'd miss you so much!
This has been a horrible business, but as I said to Milly, I'd rather be proved wrong for caring about someone than be proved right for being a cold fish.
And for that reason, I'm proud of my F-list x

[wings128.livejournal.com]

I'm so relieved you're still with us sweetheart, I don't know what I'd do without you in my flist.

*SQUIIIIIISHES*

♥♥♥♥♥

[saltandburnboys.livejournal.com]

You know, when it happened I thought he might've been talking about me coz I went to FB to try and find out everything I could and I never know how much people can track my comings and goings. So I feel pretty awful that I didn't even realise the person who actually went there - obviously more successfully than I did, lol, since they clearly rattled him - got such a backlash. Had I known, I would've told them that I suspected him too...and maybe we could've done something together. I just...didn't even see anything about it, so I'm really sorry about that, whoever this person is. 😕

Urgh...it's all just so gross.

xx

[havenseptember6.livejournal.com]

Hey - I'm friends with Milly as well as some others on here. I was completely duped by DW, and believed everything he said. I feel really upset and stupid, but the worst thing is that I was supportive of him when this person you're talking about found out that he wasn't who he said he was. I sided with DW and now I feel horrible. I don't know who it was, but if you could, would you please tell them I'm so sorry for my reaction. They were obviously trying to do a good thing, and I feel awful that they were hurt by others because of DW's lies. They did nothing wrong, and I will definitely be much more careful about my reactions in the future. I'm just sorry they had to be hurt because of it. Please let them know that. Thank you for your help!

[runedgirl.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[majestic-duxk.livejournal.com]

I am glad you are still here. Very glad.

and I've not been involved at all, but I am still glad to see how loving everyone is being to each other.

as pretty much everyone else has said: better to have soft heart and friends. least you all have eachothers backs *hugs*

[sleepypercy.livejournal.com]

I'm very glad you didn't delete <3 And I'm also so happy at how supportive everyone is when something like this occurs. Our LJ fandom is amazing. Especially you.

[masja-17.livejournal.com]

I've not been involved with this at all. Hugs to you and your friend that got hurt. Love always!

<3